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nyandereneko) wrote2019-02-05 10:06 am
nyandereneko) wrote2019-02-05 10:06 am
Entry tags:
Existence
Word Count: 917
Summary: Although he struggles to understand or even value his existence, she’s determined to show him that if nothing else, she needs and wants him around.
*Author’s Note*: It’s probably a little random but happy birthday Gil!! I don’t talk about Gil as much as my other f/os (although I’ve reblogged more pics of him on my self insert blog lately, and I have written at least 1-2 fics for him >.>) he’s a very special man to me and just WOWIE do I certainly love him so so much. And today is his birthday so! I wanted to write up at least a little something for him, I hope you enjoy!
“What am I supposed to say to that?” he inquired. Although his tone was a little sour, Nova swore she noted a hint of humor in it as well. “If I say something negative, I’ll just sound like an ass.”
“Then don’t say anything negative,” she answered sensibly, giving him a soft smile. The two were sitting side by side, and she took the opportunity to comb her fingers through his messy hair. “And if you can’t say anything nice…well, I’m pretty sure you know where I’m going with this.”
He sighed and grabbed her hand, holding it firmly until she finally caught on and met his eyes with her own. His gaze was so serious, shining like the candles people lit in an attempt to ward off the shadows of the night. In comparison, her eyes were probably that night…she couldn’t help but wonder what he thought when he stared into them. She didn’t know what she’d do if she couldn’t see these eyes anymore. If she couldn’t run her fingers through this hair, if she couldn’t feel this touch. He had to keep existing for those reasons alone, if nothing else. If he couldn’t find anything worth sticking around for, she’d do what she could to become an anchor for his existence…if he couldn’t stand what she was, she’d even do what she could to change herself.
“You know, hearing that kind of thing usually doesn’t bring me much happiness,” he admitted, absently playing with her fingers. His eyes never wavered from hers; his expression remained perfectly set. “Being reminded that I do still exist. Because it means that all the terrible things I’ve been through are still real; they always have been, always will be. As long as I exist, I’ll have to keep facing whatever horrors life decides to throw at me next.”
She finally turned away from him, her expression falling a bit. She hadn’t said what she did to upset him…if that’s actually what she’d done, she didn’t know how to go about getting him to forgive her insensitivity. She’d introduced resentment to a day that was supposed to be for celebration. Before she knew it, he tilted her face back up by her chin, directing her focus back to him. “But I guess it’s not all bad. At least if I keep existing, it means I get to keep being with you.”
She opened her mouth to retort, but he cut her off before she could protest. “However, that means you have to promise that you’ll keep existing, too. No matter how hard it is…I’ll keep trying to be here for you. We have to promise not to abandon one another.”
“You know I’d never do that,” she scoffed, wrapping her arms around his head and pulling him against her chest. “I’ve worked too hard to get this far. And…I guess I like having you around, as annoying and difficult as you can be. But I suppose I’ve already said that…”
He clearly wanted to object, but she kept his face buried in her arms. “I really do mean it when I say happy birthday, Gil. I’m glad you’ve made it another year…and I hope you’ll make it one more, too. And many more than that. Even if it’s hard, or you’re counting the days to when you don’t have to deal with this life anymore…I’ll try to be someone, something you can look forward to. Or I’ll find you that something, I’ll do whatever I can. Because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
He could hear the tremor in her voice, reluctantly letting his agitation fade. She was only being pushy because she was worried if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t get through to him. And he was only being stubborn because he’d been so uncomfortable with this sort of thing for so long…genuinely being needed by someone. He’d had people like that ripped away from him more than once…he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he had to face that devastation again. And whether he liked admitting it or not, he knew there were still plenty of people that needed him, from both the past and present. To him, she’d somehow become one of the most important ones. He wound his arms around her waist in return, giving her the kind of soft, reassuring hug she’d smothered him with. Holding one another, they both ruminated on the same realization that blossomed in their cluttered heads: neither of them would be going anywhere anytime soon…at least not without each other.
Summary: Although he struggles to understand or even value his existence, she’s determined to show him that if nothing else, she needs and wants him around.
*Author’s Note*: It’s probably a little random but happy birthday Gil!! I don’t talk about Gil as much as my other f/os (although I’ve reblogged more pics of him on my self insert blog lately, and I have written at least 1-2 fics for him >.>) he’s a very special man to me and just WOWIE do I certainly love him so so much. And today is his birthday so! I wanted to write up at least a little something for him, I hope you enjoy!
_____
“You know, I’m glad you exist.”
It was quite a straightforward remark to make, but she meant it with all her heart. Whether he believed her or not, she hoped he could hear the sincerity in her words, could feel the strength of her affection. She knew there were a lot of times he wished he didn’t exist…she could relate to that. They were both kind of helpless when it came to that sort of thing, but that was also part of what made them wonderful together. When one of them started doubting, the other stepped in to provide whatever support they could. When one of them was struggling, the other offered them a hand and lifted them up to the best of their ability. When all was said and done, they both kind of ended up leaning on one another…constantly balancing the heaviness that never seemed to let up on their shoulders between the two of them.“What am I supposed to say to that?” he inquired. Although his tone was a little sour, Nova swore she noted a hint of humor in it as well. “If I say something negative, I’ll just sound like an ass.”
“Then don’t say anything negative,” she answered sensibly, giving him a soft smile. The two were sitting side by side, and she took the opportunity to comb her fingers through his messy hair. “And if you can’t say anything nice…well, I’m pretty sure you know where I’m going with this.”
He sighed and grabbed her hand, holding it firmly until she finally caught on and met his eyes with her own. His gaze was so serious, shining like the candles people lit in an attempt to ward off the shadows of the night. In comparison, her eyes were probably that night…she couldn’t help but wonder what he thought when he stared into them. She didn’t know what she’d do if she couldn’t see these eyes anymore. If she couldn’t run her fingers through this hair, if she couldn’t feel this touch. He had to keep existing for those reasons alone, if nothing else. If he couldn’t find anything worth sticking around for, she’d do what she could to become an anchor for his existence…if he couldn’t stand what she was, she’d even do what she could to change herself.
“You know, hearing that kind of thing usually doesn’t bring me much happiness,” he admitted, absently playing with her fingers. His eyes never wavered from hers; his expression remained perfectly set. “Being reminded that I do still exist. Because it means that all the terrible things I’ve been through are still real; they always have been, always will be. As long as I exist, I’ll have to keep facing whatever horrors life decides to throw at me next.”
She finally turned away from him, her expression falling a bit. She hadn’t said what she did to upset him…if that’s actually what she’d done, she didn’t know how to go about getting him to forgive her insensitivity. She’d introduced resentment to a day that was supposed to be for celebration. Before she knew it, he tilted her face back up by her chin, directing her focus back to him. “But I guess it’s not all bad. At least if I keep existing, it means I get to keep being with you.”
She opened her mouth to retort, but he cut her off before she could protest. “However, that means you have to promise that you’ll keep existing, too. No matter how hard it is…I’ll keep trying to be here for you. We have to promise not to abandon one another.”
“You know I’d never do that,” she scoffed, wrapping her arms around his head and pulling him against her chest. “I’ve worked too hard to get this far. And…I guess I like having you around, as annoying and difficult as you can be. But I suppose I’ve already said that…”
He clearly wanted to object, but she kept his face buried in her arms. “I really do mean it when I say happy birthday, Gil. I’m glad you’ve made it another year…and I hope you’ll make it one more, too. And many more than that. Even if it’s hard, or you’re counting the days to when you don’t have to deal with this life anymore…I’ll try to be someone, something you can look forward to. Or I’ll find you that something, I’ll do whatever I can. Because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
He could hear the tremor in her voice, reluctantly letting his agitation fade. She was only being pushy because she was worried if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t get through to him. And he was only being stubborn because he’d been so uncomfortable with this sort of thing for so long…genuinely being needed by someone. He’d had people like that ripped away from him more than once…he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he had to face that devastation again. And whether he liked admitting it or not, he knew there were still plenty of people that needed him, from both the past and present. To him, she’d somehow become one of the most important ones. He wound his arms around her waist in return, giving her the kind of soft, reassuring hug she’d smothered him with. Holding one another, they both ruminated on the same realization that blossomed in their cluttered heads: neither of them would be going anywhere anytime soon…at least not without each other.
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