Happiness

[nyandereneko]

Word Count: 2,735

Summary: Nova and Fushimi have a heart to heart about the year they’ve spent together, and what it means to them.

*Author’s Note*: A fic I wrote to celebrate my one year anniversary with Saruhiko and oof, I’m trying not to get stupidly teary. It’s hard for me to describe exactly how I feel about him and what he means to me…he’s just extremely important to me. His character interests me, makes me feel good, and I identify with him more than I should, probably because I read into things too much and make a lot of stuff up. But he’s still special to me, immensely so, and probably always will be. This takes place on the roof of building where we first said I love you to each other (fic here) and uhhhh just jgilejslgs. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!

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For once, the facility was mostly quiet. As far as she could tell no squads had been sent out or vehicles dispatched to take care of one of the several criminal activities that were probably unfolding in the city right at this moment. They would come to the Captain’s attention soon enough, and when they did, appropriate measures would be taken to quell whatever unfortunate chaos had been stirred up. Things would be put back in their place, culprits would be subdued and taken in, and the setting in which such events had transpired would end up looking as uneventful as it had before it’d been employed as a battle ground for supernatural exploitation. Nova was just glad no one was asking her for anything, prodding her to do something, reminding her of some task she needed to finish. She was used to the workload by now, even fond of it to a certain extent, to the duties and itineraries that kept this complex operation running. But tonight she had her own agenda, a special occasion that took precedence over anything else.

She was lounging on her back, hands cushioning her head as she admired the glittering sky above. The moon and stars were at the peak of their radiance, but there was another sight Nova was more interested in. That may have caught some people off guard to hear, knowing how partial she was to the dazzling image of the night, but it wouldn’t once they understood exactly what this other subject was. The face of the person that came climbing up onto the roof not long after she’d arrived, that belonged to the man that she’d asked to meet her out here under the dark swath of the heavens, dotted with pin pricks of white light.

This wasn’t just any roof, either; she hadn’t chosen it arbitrarily. While it may have been more fitting to meet on the balcony where they’d shared their first confession, conducted their first kiss, this spot was just as important in terms of firsts for them. It was the place where they’d first directly exchanged sentiments of the love they held for one another…sentiments that they’d since exchanged many times over, probably too many to count. She knew it could be seen as disrespectful, overdone, to reiterate said feelings so often. She was the guilty party in such a scenario so, and most of the time the words were still startling to her partner’s ears. But they were never startling to her, and never wavered on her otherwise uncertain lips.

“It’s been a while since you’ve wanted to meet in a place like this,” Fushimi remarked, carefully making his way to her side.

“It’s not like we’ve had a lot of time to do something like this, anyway,” she replied, propping herself up as he sat down. “And I don’t know if something random is going to happen that ruins everything in an instant. But until it does, I’m going to enjoy spending this time with you. I’ve been waiting to be alone with you all day.”

“That sounds a bit ominous,” he teased, nuzzling her temple. “But I understand. No one else managed to find out, did they?”

“If they did, they’re probably still waiting for the right time to strike,” she explained. “They’re going to miss their chance if they don’t get to it soon, though. Because after midnight, it doesn’t count.”

“That’s never stopped them before.”

Nova agreed with a soft laugh, raising her eyes back up to the sky. Thinking of the people that teased her, supported her, made her feel at home…this place really was her home, and her heart swelled just to remember it. These once imposing, intimidating walls had become her safe haven, the barrier that preserved her wellbeing and provided her livelihood. The uniformed troupes that paced these halls and patrolled the city avenues had once been her bitter enemies; dangerous figures that stalked her even in her sleep. Now they were her companions, her family…she’d never had a home like this, never known people like this. And she knew she’d never trade any of it for the world.

It’d been over a year since she’d been brought to this place, personally recruited by the King that presided over it and placed under the supervision of an officer that was adamant he didn’t have time to train some petty novice. A novice that was even worse than the typical candidate for recruitment in his eyes, and the eyes of many others, considering who—and more accurately what—she was. An unregistered Strain living outside the law, or at least outside of its radar, to the best of her ability. She’d transitioned between various groups of strays and ne’er-do-wells that were just trying to get by ever since she’d become one of them, thrust into this new and unforgiving life as a consequence of the horrid tragedy that still loomed over the city, the country, to this day. Some, however, were content and even eager to use their abilities to wreak havoc and do whatever they pleased, even at the expense of others. Now those kinds of people considered her an enemy, a designation that’d been more relevant before she’d been severely limited from active duty.

The King, his Lieutenant, and his third in command. Three people that had struck fear into her heart, that she’d anticipated would dispose of her at any moment. The first two had since become some of the most trusted and revered people in her life. There were few individuals she put more faith in than her King and his right hand, who had proven to her on several occasions there was almost no obstacle they couldn’t overcome. If not through skill, then sheer willpower, and this tenacity and stubbornness was part of what constantly reinforced the organization’s strength. The third one was a special case, one that still made her blush when she reminisced about what their first encounters had been like.

He was rude, blunt, critical, sometimes lazy…that last point was more in demeanor than actual action, though. Because he hadn’t been granted such an esteemed rank on a whim, and he wouldn’t have been able to maintain it if he failed to meet the standards that were expected of him. That was her first indication that there was something more to him, more that she wanted to know. As inappropriate as that mindset may have been, she found herself inexplicably drawn to him, even despite his harshness. His words and gaze were cutting, his standards rigid and his expectations challenging…but not punishing, and not impossible. For someone who had argued in exasperation and obstinance that there were better people for the job, he had managed it quite impressively. Then again, that was a side of him he preferred to keep to himself, one that qualified him for the prestigious position of serving as the King’s left hand.

And then there were the issues of his troubled past, his self-censored emotions, his deeply rooted fear of the consequences that came with letting anyone get too close. He’d opened up to a greater degree after the events that’d transpired a few years prior, when the Blue Clan had almost been forced to face the same disaster as the Reds. He’d made peace with some things, let other things go, overcome some of his self-imposed isolation and distrust. But he was still far from being happy, from having a future to look forward to, from even wanting one in the first place. He devotedly carried out his role and tolerated the day to day shenanigans and annoyances that he’d been dealing with for years, not bothering to think of what the future may hold.

When she’d entered his life, it was as if everything fell out of sync. Then things were quickly rearranged, their lives unexpectedly reorganized around one another. It’d happened silently, gradually at first, small changes and alternations that were hard for them to notice, even harder for anyone that happened to be watching from a distance. Then surely, startlingly, they’d become inseparably intertwined, bound by feelings and forces that they didn’t comprehend, that they’d never fathomed before. Fear, confusion, self-loathing descended upon them, encouraging them to avoid taking any sort of risk that could expose them to even a hint of vulnerability. But the connection they shared never stopped strengthening, the care they felt for each other never faltered.

Now, merely a year later, they were sitting comfortably side by side. Two unlikely, dissimilar individuals had become a pair, grown together, twisting and weaving like vines. They found themselves blooming much differently than they’d ever imagined they could. It was only natural to expect that whatever resulted would leave them unrecognizable, but in the end, it made them feel more like themselves than they ever had before. Nova flipped her hand over, slipping her fingers between Fushimi’s. She lifted both of their hands, guiding his this way and that so she could examine it. Pale and slender, she observed the fingers that had been used to inflict harm, to wield weapons and mysterious powers capable of both destruction and protection. As she felt the heat start to rise under his skin, she was reminded of just how much she loved this hand, how safe and happy she felt when it touched her, how whole she felt when she held it.

“I know I’ve said it before, but I really don’t know where I’d be today without you,” she murmured, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “And now, to think that I’ve been here with you all this time. That you’ve been here with me. In some ways it feels like no time has passed at all. In others—”

“It’s feels like we’ve lived a lifetime,” he finished for her. “Well, it almost was the end of a lifetime for you not too long ago—”

“Ah, let’s not talk about that right now,” she suggested, shifting until their hips touched so she could nestle against his chest. “We’re both still here, relatively unharmed. My heart has never felt as full as it does when I’m with you.”

“I hope that’s a good thing,” he replied, draping an arm around her shoulders. “I honestly never expected life could be like this.”

“Like what?”

He pondered for a moment. “Happy. I mean, like, actually happy. I don’t dread getting up in the morning, even if I know I’m going to have a pile of work to do. I don’t wonder what I’m still doing here, why I still bother doing anything as much as I used to. It all used to seem so pointless, and some of it still does. But being with you…hearing you say you like having me around, that I make you happy, it makes me happy, too. Somehow, other than giving me some kind of incentive to stick around, it also makes me feel kind of relieved. Content. In a way that I’ve never felt before, that I probably never would have, that I just can’t feel without you.”

“Aw, that’s so sappy,” she joked, although he knew she was as touched to hear his words as he was to share them. “But I understand where you’re coming from. And I don’t really want to ramble—I’ve said pretty much all of this before. But I’ll say again that I love you. So much, an unbelievable amount. Sometimes, when I think about us, about you, I just tear up. Completely at random, I’ll just feel such a stupid surge of love for you that I get teary eyed. Or I’ll listen to songs that remind me of us, that remind me of how much I love you. I’ll remember things we’ve done together, conversations we’ve had, gifts and trinkets we’ve given each other. I just think about how you’re a part of my life now, a big part, a happy part. I love you…you make me happy, and I love you. And I’m just…so glad…”

Throat starting to close up, voice cracking and becoming thick…she wanted to quit while she was ahead. She burrowed closer against his chest, hiding her face in his shirt. She felt him caressing her hair, then rubbing her ears; the sensation of his tender touch only made it harder for her to hold it together. She could feel him, hear him, there was no doubt in her mind that he was real, and she was here with him. She focused on the sound of his breathing, the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest, the slightly hastened pace of his drumming heart. She slid a hand under his collar, pressing her palm over his scar. He jumped a bit, but didn’t respond too outlandishly, recomposing his demeanor with minimal effort.

“I love you, too.” Her fingers curled reflexively at his gentle words. “Thank you for not getting sick of me. Or fed up with me. For fighting me even when I was insufferable, when it wasn’t worth it. Thank you for forcing me to see things differently, for finding a way to do that. For being the catalyst for that change, the push I needed to see past the point I was always stuck behind. A barrier I didn’t know how to break through, because I couldn’t see how big it was on my own. I couldn’t determine how much work it was going to take to tackle it. And what makes it better is that you tackled it with me…and you’re still doing that. I’m not sure I even know how to really thank you for all that, in the way you deserve.”

“Just keep being with me,” she couldn’t keep her voice from shaking, but as least he couldn’t see her face. “Keep loving me. But only if you mean it. Don’t stay with me just because you feel bad for me, or because you think I want you to. I mean, I do want you to, but more than that…I want—”

“Me to want you?” She couldn’t contain the teary shudder his answer elicited, and she hugged him as tightly as she could, tensing her muscles to their limit in an attempt to feel numb. A distracting sensation, something physical she could focus on to curb the unnecessarily emotional response she just couldn’t seem to get reign in. He rubbed her back soothingly, resting his cheek against her hair. “I do want you. I’ve wanted you every day since that night; probably a little bit before that, too. Before I even realized it. And you’ve never abandoned me, or made me feel that way, so I guess that makes us even. And if either one of us starts slacking, I hope we’ve learned by now to do something about it. To not brush it under the rug, to pay attention if things start getting out of hand.”

“I’ll never stop wanting you for as long as you let me,” she repeated those words from so long ago, words that were branded in her brain like a tattoo. She’d never forget them, always striving to keep her vow just as he kept his.

Pulling herself together as acceptably as she could, just for a moment, she sat up and looked at him. A mixture of wonder and love colored their expressions, more evidence of the odd mingling of self-doubt and uncertainty that persisted in their affections even now. Brushing her fingers from his cheek to his temple, she cradled the side of his face and leaned forward for a kiss. He met her halfway once her realized her intent, hugging her until there was essentially no room left between them. Clinging to him like this, part of her wanted to stay in this moment forever. Part of her never wanted this overwhelming feeling to fade.

Two improbable souls that were whole on their own, sure, but truly thrived when they were together. Supporting, loving, cherishing…just being grateful for each other’s existence, and for the fortune they had in finding one another. Neither of them knew what the next day, or week, or month would hold, but in this moment none of that mattered. The only thing that mattered was that they were together, and they were happy; hopefully the coming year would be filled with even more happiness for them to share.