My Own Worst Enemy
Jun. 26th, 2020 08:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nyanderenekoWord Count: 4,535
Summary: An impulsive action ends up leaving Nova stranded in some strange place she’s never seen before. What she experiences there is more harrowing than anything she could have anticipated.
Author’s Note: Big cw for abuse!! Physical abuse, mentions of alcoholism, cursing. Not good things!!! There are unsettling and upsetting things that happen in this fic so read at your own risk!!!
I finished s2 of DTB not too long ago, I couldn’t help binging it, especially considering how controversial it apparently was. Not legitimately (well, I guess that’s up for debate) but from what I saw pretty much everyone agreed that it was garbage and they wished it didn’t exist. But, ofc, I was compelled to sit through the dumpster fire anyway for the sake of my love, and OOF. I don’t hate it as much as other people but they really did just…beat him down and then keep beating him…it was unfortunate and I kept thinking about how glad I was that I decided to self insert because I can save him from that fate lol…but what if I didn’t?? What if I wanted to comfort him through some series of special circumstances…so I did! But it didn't turn out nearly as kind as I would have liked lol. If the warnings haven't scared you away yet, though, thank you for reading! At least the fic has a happy ending lol.
“Look out!” She lunged forward on impulse, focused solely on protecting him. A strange sensation came over her, almost viscous, bringing a wave of unsettling nausea with it. Vision blurring, head spinning…what was happening to her? Well, she supposed it didn’t matter, as long as she’d managed to shield him from the blow. But what kind of attack was it? What had this Contractor managed to do to her? Her mind was slipping, thoughts ebbing away until she sunk into a void of darkness, steadily drifting away from her senses.
The world came back in a flash. Bright, cold, a little painful. Something was dampening her clothes, infusing them with cold as it seeped through the fabric and stung her skin. She pushed herself onto her knees and frantically examined her surroundings. Her head was throbbing, throat and mouth overcome with an uncomfortable dryness. Glancing at her hands, which were starting to go numb, she realized she was kneeling in a cold, white substance. A layer of snow blanketed the ground, but luckily more didn’t appear to be falling from the sky at the moment. Nova got to her feet and brushed herself off as thoroughly as she could.
“It’s fucking freezing…”
While the young woman didn’t typically mind cold weather like this, she only held that opinion when she knew she was properly equipped to deal with it. Thick pants and socks, soft sweaters, cute coats…a fire, a hot drink, someone to snuggle up with. Those were the things that made the winter weather amenable to her. But she wasn’t even convinced she was somewhere where it was winter…it could have been a place that happened to be situated to the extreme north or south. She probably wouldn’t be able to determine her exact location before she returned to her own time.
“Hello?” she called out hesitantly, softly. A call like that wasn’t going to do much, but in truth, it may have been better if she remained alone. Whatever ability that Contractor had used on her, surely it couldn’t last forever? Depending on what it was, she supposed it actually could…but she didn’t want to scare herself by thinking that way. She needed her wits about her, now that they were finally returning, if she was going to survive long enough for the effect to wear off.
“Where the hell am I…?”
She crossed her arms, doing her utmost to preserve as much body heat as possible. She was shivering, muscles contracted as her ears pressed flat to her head and her tail wrapped around her legs for comfort. Should she bother exploring the area, or just stay where she was? What kind of risk did she run in either case? She couldn’t know, but the possibility of putting herself in greater peril, or encountering more Contractors without him around…the outcome didn’t look good.
There appeared to be a small, makeshift camp not too far from where she’d turned up. It could have belonged to anyone, really. Not especially fond of the prospect of making things worse for herself, she knew that just standing here doing nothing wouldn’t do her much good, either. Staying out in the biting air like this, she didn’t know if frostbite or some similar condition would eventually set in. With essentially nothing to help her combat the cold, and no idea where she was, she concluded that her best bet was to explore her limited options. Approaching the rundown dwelling seemed like as good an idea as any.
Just run at the first sign of trouble. The voice in her head wasn’t really helping, although it did remind her that she could shift into her feline form at any moment. Perhaps she’d be warmer that way, but there was also the possibility that she wouldn’t, and putting herself in an even more vulnerable position…no, staying human for now was definitely better.
Before she’d taken even one step, everything changed. Something hit her in the back of the head, or was it the neck, or even spine? She didn’t know, but the blow shocked her entire system, numbing her limbs and flooding her vision with the painful flicker of stars. Combined with the lingering nausea from the initial incident, she thought she wasn’t going to have much of a say in if she passed out or threw up; she didn’t really have any fight left in her. At least, not enough to deal with whatever the hell had just struck her so severely.
“Please…don’t hurt me…” Her voice was weak and her words came out jumbled, unevenly enunciated as her silent attacker hoisted her onto their shoulder. They moved with such ease, such nonchalance, as if this was just a normal day to day thing for them. “Please. I won’t do anything, I can’t do anything. I don’t have any money, or anything worth taking on me, I promise.” The panicked part of her brain that hadn’t quite short circuited yet blared an alarm to remind her that material possessions weren’t the only thing she needed to worry about someone taking. The sobering reminder gave her just enough clarity to start struggling in earnest.
“Please, I’m begging you, please don’t hurt me--” Her words were wet with tears as the kidnapper brought her into what she could only assume was the makeshift dwelling she’d noticed before. Before she could whimper out any further pleas, the stranger dropped her to the ground. She hit with a painful thud, knocking some of the wind out of her lungs. Now she was sore all over, she could barely breathe or see…how was she going to get out of this? She couldn’t transform now; she was too dizzy, too disoriented, and making a break for it in that form was just too risky. What did this person want…who were they in the first place?
Perhaps it was the Contractor that’d transported her here. Was she in some special place, then, or a setting of his own creation? The numerous terrible possibilities that flooded her mind only fanned the flames of her anxiety, and she did her best to shut out any superfluous concerns that weren’t focused on the immediate danger at hand.
“You kidnapped someone?”
What a young voice…things just kept getting weirder, and Nova felt a fleeting twinge of regret that she’d been foolish enough to let herself get into this mess. Remembering who would have ended up in her place if she hadn’t succeeded, though…it was worth it. Besides, there was no sense in thinking twice about it now.
“Seriously, what is wrong with you? Why would you bring her back here? What are you going to do with--”
“Be quiet.”
Nova froze; her brain, her body, every atom of her being. She knew that voice. For better or worse, it’d recently come to be one of the most familiar and comforting voices to her. But now…something sounded wrong. Very wrong. Life alteringly wrong. Had she actually failed to save him from the attack? Had they ended up here together, had something else happened to him while she was unconscious? She needed to roll onto her back, she needed to see what was going on, see if things were really as she perceived them to be.
More pain. The way he handled her was borderline violent, not a hint of care or concern for her in his movements and actions. She felt his knee dig against her spine as he jerked her arms back, almost bending them to an unnatural degree. She struggled under his grip, and her resistance only seemed to irritate him, perhaps even going so far as to infuriate. A weak cry escaped her lips as he rolled her over without warning, apparently finished fastening whatever restrictive device he’d been messing with.
“You can’t just--”
“I said shut up.”
True anger, absolute rage and intolerance emanated from his tone. Finally recovering enough to face him, the man Nova saw before her couldn’t have been who she’d initially mistaken him for. He couldn’t be the same person she’d so unwisely and thoughtlessly attempted to defend, the one whose presence comforted and soothed her even in the midst of the darkest turmoil and tragedy.
“Who are you, and what are you doing here?”
He must have finally been addressing her…she tried to sit up. He shoved her back down, the cool edge of his familiar knife stinging against her throat. She gasped, straining helplessly to put some distance between them, but the pressure only increased. To die by his hands here and now…it was insane, impossible. There was no way this could really be happening. There was no way this was the same man that she’d so recklessly fallen in love with.
“Hei…please…what’s going on? What’s wrong with you?”
“I’m the one asking the questions,” he snapped, and the intensity of his hostility cut her deeper than his knife ever could. “Why do you know my name? Who are you? I won’t ask a third time.”
“You don’t…” Recognize me. Thus far she’d held it together, even considering the physical distress, but the emotional burden was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She felt one roll down the side of her cheek as she tried to look at him, to meet his malicious gaze. He didn’t know who she was…and she could barely recognize him. Honestly, he looked like a deadbeat drunk that’d given up on life a long time ago…and he smelled like one, too. The overwhelming scent of alcohol wafting from every part of him only upset her more. What had happened, why was he like this? Maybe she could get him to answer some questions of her own if she managed to prove her compliance.
“It’s me, it’s Nova!” She launched into a desperate explanation. “Nova, the girl who’s always giving you too much trouble, but you put up with me anyway. The other black cat you always end up having to wrangle or protect, but you only ever try to make me feel better about it. The one you’re always so nice to even though I know I don’t deserve it--”
She couldn’t even process him slapping her across the face. The simple shock of the act erased it from her memory the second it occurred, but the throbbing warmth in her cheek indicated that something unpleasant must have taken place. She was helpless to repress the building wave of tears that clogged her throat and her vision.
“Spare me your lies. I’ve never seen you before in my life. Who sent you here, who told you to track me?”
“Hei…please…” she wanted to answer his questions, but the distracting ache in her chest, her throat, her face made it difficult for her to grasp and employ even a meager amount of coherency. “I’m sorry…whatever I did, or someone else did. Whatever happened to you, I’m sorry--”
He raised his hand a second time and she yelped, forcing the next waterfall of words out as fast as she could form them. “No one sent me! I’m not here for you, I didn’t even know…I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not lying, I’m not lying, I swear! Even if you don’t know me now…I’m a friend, an ally. I won’t do anything to hurt or betray you. I’ve only been here for five, ten minutes tops. In this place, with all the snow, I don’t even know where we are! Do I look like someone they’d send after you, am I dressed like someone they’d send to locate and infiltrate this place?”
His hand came down regardless, the sound of skin hitting skin making her ears ring, and she kicked at him in an instinctive reflex of self-preservation. “Stop! Stop hitting me! What’s wrong with you? Just tell me! Tell me what happened, explain what’s going on! I know you want me to explain but I can’t, I don’t know, I just…”
Her words were trickling out in pieces now, but Nova did her best to press on. “I just showed up here. You and me, a couple of minutes ago, we were running from someone. A Contractor, I don’t know what his power was, but I jumped in front of you to block the hit. Whatever it was, I must have made it in time, and I woke up face down in the fucking snow in the middle of nowhere! Then you came at me like a fucking hit man, nailing me in the back like that. I wouldn’t have run! I can’t do fucking anything to you and you know that! Why are you so on edge? Why do you look like this? What happened to you? Please…I’m sorry.”
He looked like he wanted to get a word in, but she couldn’t seem to stop more of her own from pouring out. “I’m sorry about what happened. Whatever it was. God, for it to be this bad…for it to do this to you…what happened Hei? What did they do to you, what did they take from you? You say you don’t know me, but you don’t look any younger than the Hei I know. I don’t know who you are, which Hei you are, how I got here, why I’m here…but God, what did they do to you? What could have possibly been horrible enough to turn you into something like this?”
The young girl spoke up again as the remainder of Nova’s words were swallowed up in barely restrained sobs. “Maybe you should let her go. She doesn’t seem to mean any harm, I think she’s telling the--”
He backhanded her to the ground. Violent, impulsive, unremorseful. When he rose from his position of pinning her down to deal with the girl, Nova kicked at him with everything she had. “Stop, stop! That’s enough! Stop acting like this! Stop being such a fucking asshole! What the fuck is wrong with you? She’s just a kid! If you’re pissed, if you’re upset, fine, take it out on me, I’m used to shit like that. Tell me how worthless I am to make yourself feel better, if that’s what it takes. But stop this. Stop hurting her!” Stop hurting me! Her brain screamed, begging her to say it, but she kept those words locked up. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t about her right now. She just wanted to get to the bottom of his pain.
“Hei…I’m sorry,” she defaulted back to that tactic, at a loss to say anything else. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from this. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it from happening. Whatever’s going on, why you don’t know me…I’m sorry. I’d fix it if I could. If I thought I could. But you, this…you have to stop. You have to stop doing this, being like this. I know you. The Hei I know would never resort to treating people this way, whether they were people he knows and cares about, or complete strangers. You always give everyone at least one chance…I wish I had a chance to fix things. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about whatever happened to you. I’m sorry about this pain…whatever pain you’re carrying. I already know you’ve been through a lot, I can’t imagine what more you’ve gone through that I don’t know about, what’s pushed you to this point. Please, just--”
“Stop talking.” He turned on her with fierce, resentful eyes. “You aren’t someone I know or care about. What reason do I have to spare your life?”
The finality of his tone turned her blood to ice. “No. No, you can’t do this. Hei, you can’t, please--”
“If you really don’t know anything, then you’re useless to me.” He repositioned the knife in his hand. “But you’ve seen my face, and you know who I am.” His cruel, callous expression explained what he left unsaid with crystal clarity: and if that’s the case, obviously I can’t let you live.
“No!”
She heard his strike slice through the air, but before it made impact she was sucked back into the same strange limbo as before. Like she was passing through some kind of portal…that had to be what the ability was. Something about transporting or teleporting people somewhere. She couldn’t parse the details of where, though. Or maybe even when. But that man, the one that’d been seconds away from taking her life…there was no mistaking him. He hadn’t denied or corrected how she’d addressed him, essentially confirming that he was indeed the same, perhaps the only Hei she knew.
She emerged on the other side sicker than before. The air that hit her face was mild and the dark, artificial visage of the night sky was clearly displayed above her. Someone was holding her, carrying her somewhere, albeit much more tenderly than how she’d been manhandled just a few moments prior. She struggled against her captor, thrashing and twisting in an attempt to free herself. She was alive, and this time she was determined to get away. No one was going to get the drop on her like that again.
“Nova, Nova, calm down.” The voice that she’d found so consoling before now only served to spike her heart with fear and dread. “It’s okay, you’re okay. It’s me. Quit fighting me, you’re alright, you’re safe.”
“No…”
Ducking into a deserted alleyway, Hei quickly checked their surroundings to ensure they weren’t being followed or watched. When he finally set her down Nova’s feet dug against the pavement, propelling her away from him and into the wall as if she was hoping to phase through it somehow. Her expression was pained, contorted, dark with despair. Wherever that Contractor’s power had sent her, it clearly hadn’t been anywhere good. But that didn’t make sense…in his last words the man had mentioned a few random details regarding his power. He was essentially able to send someone to an alternate reality, a different timeline where they’d pop up in close proximity to someone they knew. Who had she met, and what had they done to her?
Tear stains streaking down red, slightly swollen cheeks…blood trickling from her neck. He tossed his mask to the side, gently cradling her face in his smooth gloved hands as he coaxed her to look at him.
“Nova, please. Calm down. Breathe. You’re alright now, you’re safe.”
“You…” her speech came out broken, gasping. Still infected with panicked, overwhelmed sobs, the complicated and conflicting feelings swirling in her chest couldn’t decide whether she should trust him or try to make a break for it. “No.”
“What happened?” He caressed one of her cheeks and she winced; she hadn’t reacted out of pain, but aversion. Fear that he would strike her again. Of course, he couldn’t know that, and simply lightened his touch in an attempt to avoid agitating her wounds.
“What happened?” he repeated icily. “Who did this to you? Who hurt you?”
“H--H…” she wanted to say his name, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Forcing her vision to clear through the tears, she managed to recognize enough of his face to ensure that she really was safe, that this was the person she could trust. Thrusting herself into his embrace, she slotted her arms under his own as her fingers knotted in his coat.
“Hei…”
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.” They weren’t going to get anywhere until she calmed down, and the best idea he could come up with was to give her whatever time and comfort she needed to do so. As she buried her face against his shoulder, he placed one hand lightly on her back and carefully laced his fingers in her hair with the other. “You’re okay, you’re safe. I’m here.”
“Hei…” Her speech was muffled by fabric and tears, but he managed to make it out. “It was you.”
“Yes, it’s me. I’m the only one here.”
“No.” Pulling back just enough to see his face, she tried to wipe some of the mess off of her own before forcing herself to clarify. “It was you, Hei. You’re the one…” She started to break down again and he simply held her, waiting patiently for her to find her composure. “You’re the one who…who did this to me.”
Every muscle in his body tensed as if she’d struck him, beat him, twisted a knife in his gut. Gripping her shoulders and shoving her back, he couldn’t control his forcefulness; the shock of her admission had practically knocked the wind out of him. “What? What do you mean?”
“It was you, Hei,” she repeated, smothering an impulsive sob in her hand. “I…I don’t know what happened. I don’t know where I was, where you were. You wouldn’t tell me anything. You knocked me out and took me to some shoddy rundown shed. You questioned me, wanted to know who sent me, why I was there. There was a kid there, a young girl…sounded like she could have been a teenager, but I didn’t get a good look at her. You…”
She shuddered with another cry and he tenderly took one of her hands in his own. “It’s okay, don’t push yourself.”
“You hit her,” she finally managed to choke out. “You smacked her to the ground. You restrained me, hit me, put your knife to my throat. You…you were…”
Every word she spoke was like a poison dagger hacking his heart to pieces. “Nova, you don’t have to--”
“You were going to kill me.”
His eyes grew wide as she embraced him once more, clung to him like an injured child seeking comfort from the first source they happen to find. He was paralyzed, stunned, overcome with disbelief. Such terrible, heartless, cruel actions…and using them on her no less. If he could track down that heinous version of himself right now he would strangle him to death with his bare hands, no hesitation. His fingers ached with the desire to enact that justice, but he knew it was impossible. He couldn’t know that version of himself, and that was probably for the best. But the fact that Nova was forced to face him, and suffer at his hands…the combined weight of his misery and shame were crushing.
“I’m so sorry.” What a weak, empty response. But what else could he say? “I’m sorry.” He felt his own throat starting to close up with grief and guilt. “I promise, I swear I’ll never do anything like that to you. I’ll never hurt you like that…again. I promise I’ll never hurt you, Nova.”
She wanted to reassure him, to tell him that she trusted him, believed in him. But right now, she wasn’t sure she did. She wasn’t sure what she believed in. Whatever horrid situation she’d happened to end up in…it was going to haunt her for awhile. Maybe forever. But the most unsettling thing was knowing that it really was Hei. That the Hei she knew now could become that…maybe even would. She still didn’t know the details, the circumstances that’d turned him into the ruthless monster that’d been seconds away from taking her life. She probably never would. And without that certainty, how could she possibly prevent the Hei she knew from treading down the same ruinous path?
“Do you…do you really promise?”
“I promise, I swear it,” he repeated, tightening his hold to the point that both of their muscles grew sore. “I promise to never hurt you like that, to never hurt you if I can help it, to never hurt you on purpose…and I’ll protect you from anything that does. Especially myself.”
“I’m so tired…” she mumbled, finally surrendering to his hold. “I want a hot bath.”
“I think we can take care of both those things,” he assured, slipping his mask back on before getting to his feet. He held her with one arm like a child, balancing her against his torso with the bent limb she rested on.
“Did you kill the other Contractor?” she asked innocently, not missing the way he stiffened at her words. “Is that why I came back when I did?”
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly in a guarded, distant tone. “If that’s why you came back, I mean. I took care of him, and that’s all that matters. Oh, and next time, don’t you dare even think about trying to take a hit for me.”
“Or what, you’ll hit me instead?” She hadn’t made her quip with malicious intent, but she could practically feel the anguish rolling off of him the second the words left her lips.
“You’re not the one with the bulletproof coat, or the years of combat and self-defense experience,” he replied dryly, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders both as a comfort and an apology.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” she cut in before he could continue or default to dwelling on the thought. “I know what you mean. I was stupid, and I’m sorry. If the power had been anything else, something explosive or piercing or crushing, I know I would have been fucked. And right in front of you, too. I don’t want to put you through any kind of pain like that, ever. So, if me being okay is really that important to you, I’ll do better to make sure I take better care of myself from now on.”
“And I’ll do whatever I can to make sure I don’t become the person you were unfortunate enough to meet.” That person was already fading from her mind, possibly as a defense mechanism, but she didn’t mind. The only Hei she needed or wanted was this one, her Hei. “I may not know what happened to make me that way, and I may never find out, but I’m sorry I ever turned into something like that. I’m sorry you of all people had to see me that way.”
“You know, if you hadn’t acted like such an asshole, it almost would have been funny,” Nova continued, a bit out of sorts as her adrenaline fueled anxiety was replaced by a mollifying sense of denial. “Your hair was longer, I think you even had it tied back. You were all scruffy, and you smelled like a bar…it was like you were a hobo or something.” Detaching one of her hands from his shoulder, she reached up and lightly poked his mask. “I didn’t even know you could grow scruff.”
“Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?” he asked weakly, clearly trying to humor her. Nova was grateful for his kindness, but underneath it all she could tell that Hei wanted nothing more than to abandon this topic, anything that would remind either of them of her hellish experience, and wipe it from both of their minds for good.
“It’s just an observation,” she replied softly, swapping her finger for her lips as she gave him a light peck on the cheek. “I’m not a huge fan of the scruffy look, anyway. I like you just the way you are.”
Summary: An impulsive action ends up leaving Nova stranded in some strange place she’s never seen before. What she experiences there is more harrowing than anything she could have anticipated.
Author’s Note: Big cw for abuse!! Physical abuse, mentions of alcoholism, cursing. Not good things!!! There are unsettling and upsetting things that happen in this fic so read at your own risk!!!
I finished s2 of DTB not too long ago, I couldn’t help binging it, especially considering how controversial it apparently was. Not legitimately (well, I guess that’s up for debate) but from what I saw pretty much everyone agreed that it was garbage and they wished it didn’t exist. But, ofc, I was compelled to sit through the dumpster fire anyway for the sake of my love, and OOF. I don’t hate it as much as other people but they really did just…beat him down and then keep beating him…it was unfortunate and I kept thinking about how glad I was that I decided to self insert because I can save him from that fate lol…but what if I didn’t?? What if I wanted to comfort him through some series of special circumstances…so I did! But it didn't turn out nearly as kind as I would have liked lol. If the warnings haven't scared you away yet, though, thank you for reading! At least the fic has a happy ending lol.
_____
“Look out!” She lunged forward on impulse, focused solely on protecting him. A strange sensation came over her, almost viscous, bringing a wave of unsettling nausea with it. Vision blurring, head spinning…what was happening to her? Well, she supposed it didn’t matter, as long as she’d managed to shield him from the blow. But what kind of attack was it? What had this Contractor managed to do to her? Her mind was slipping, thoughts ebbing away until she sunk into a void of darkness, steadily drifting away from her senses.
The world came back in a flash. Bright, cold, a little painful. Something was dampening her clothes, infusing them with cold as it seeped through the fabric and stung her skin. She pushed herself onto her knees and frantically examined her surroundings. Her head was throbbing, throat and mouth overcome with an uncomfortable dryness. Glancing at her hands, which were starting to go numb, she realized she was kneeling in a cold, white substance. A layer of snow blanketed the ground, but luckily more didn’t appear to be falling from the sky at the moment. Nova got to her feet and brushed herself off as thoroughly as she could.
“It’s fucking freezing…”
While the young woman didn’t typically mind cold weather like this, she only held that opinion when she knew she was properly equipped to deal with it. Thick pants and socks, soft sweaters, cute coats…a fire, a hot drink, someone to snuggle up with. Those were the things that made the winter weather amenable to her. But she wasn’t even convinced she was somewhere where it was winter…it could have been a place that happened to be situated to the extreme north or south. She probably wouldn’t be able to determine her exact location before she returned to her own time.
“Hello?” she called out hesitantly, softly. A call like that wasn’t going to do much, but in truth, it may have been better if she remained alone. Whatever ability that Contractor had used on her, surely it couldn’t last forever? Depending on what it was, she supposed it actually could…but she didn’t want to scare herself by thinking that way. She needed her wits about her, now that they were finally returning, if she was going to survive long enough for the effect to wear off.
“Where the hell am I…?”
She crossed her arms, doing her utmost to preserve as much body heat as possible. She was shivering, muscles contracted as her ears pressed flat to her head and her tail wrapped around her legs for comfort. Should she bother exploring the area, or just stay where she was? What kind of risk did she run in either case? She couldn’t know, but the possibility of putting herself in greater peril, or encountering more Contractors without him around…the outcome didn’t look good.
There appeared to be a small, makeshift camp not too far from where she’d turned up. It could have belonged to anyone, really. Not especially fond of the prospect of making things worse for herself, she knew that just standing here doing nothing wouldn’t do her much good, either. Staying out in the biting air like this, she didn’t know if frostbite or some similar condition would eventually set in. With essentially nothing to help her combat the cold, and no idea where she was, she concluded that her best bet was to explore her limited options. Approaching the rundown dwelling seemed like as good an idea as any.
Just run at the first sign of trouble. The voice in her head wasn’t really helping, although it did remind her that she could shift into her feline form at any moment. Perhaps she’d be warmer that way, but there was also the possibility that she wouldn’t, and putting herself in an even more vulnerable position…no, staying human for now was definitely better.
Before she’d taken even one step, everything changed. Something hit her in the back of the head, or was it the neck, or even spine? She didn’t know, but the blow shocked her entire system, numbing her limbs and flooding her vision with the painful flicker of stars. Combined with the lingering nausea from the initial incident, she thought she wasn’t going to have much of a say in if she passed out or threw up; she didn’t really have any fight left in her. At least, not enough to deal with whatever the hell had just struck her so severely.
“Please…don’t hurt me…” Her voice was weak and her words came out jumbled, unevenly enunciated as her silent attacker hoisted her onto their shoulder. They moved with such ease, such nonchalance, as if this was just a normal day to day thing for them. “Please. I won’t do anything, I can’t do anything. I don’t have any money, or anything worth taking on me, I promise.” The panicked part of her brain that hadn’t quite short circuited yet blared an alarm to remind her that material possessions weren’t the only thing she needed to worry about someone taking. The sobering reminder gave her just enough clarity to start struggling in earnest.
“Please, I’m begging you, please don’t hurt me--” Her words were wet with tears as the kidnapper brought her into what she could only assume was the makeshift dwelling she’d noticed before. Before she could whimper out any further pleas, the stranger dropped her to the ground. She hit with a painful thud, knocking some of the wind out of her lungs. Now she was sore all over, she could barely breathe or see…how was she going to get out of this? She couldn’t transform now; she was too dizzy, too disoriented, and making a break for it in that form was just too risky. What did this person want…who were they in the first place?
Perhaps it was the Contractor that’d transported her here. Was she in some special place, then, or a setting of his own creation? The numerous terrible possibilities that flooded her mind only fanned the flames of her anxiety, and she did her best to shut out any superfluous concerns that weren’t focused on the immediate danger at hand.
“You kidnapped someone?”
What a young voice…things just kept getting weirder, and Nova felt a fleeting twinge of regret that she’d been foolish enough to let herself get into this mess. Remembering who would have ended up in her place if she hadn’t succeeded, though…it was worth it. Besides, there was no sense in thinking twice about it now.
“Seriously, what is wrong with you? Why would you bring her back here? What are you going to do with--”
“Be quiet.”
Nova froze; her brain, her body, every atom of her being. She knew that voice. For better or worse, it’d recently come to be one of the most familiar and comforting voices to her. But now…something sounded wrong. Very wrong. Life alteringly wrong. Had she actually failed to save him from the attack? Had they ended up here together, had something else happened to him while she was unconscious? She needed to roll onto her back, she needed to see what was going on, see if things were really as she perceived them to be.
More pain. The way he handled her was borderline violent, not a hint of care or concern for her in his movements and actions. She felt his knee dig against her spine as he jerked her arms back, almost bending them to an unnatural degree. She struggled under his grip, and her resistance only seemed to irritate him, perhaps even going so far as to infuriate. A weak cry escaped her lips as he rolled her over without warning, apparently finished fastening whatever restrictive device he’d been messing with.
“You can’t just--”
“I said shut up.”
True anger, absolute rage and intolerance emanated from his tone. Finally recovering enough to face him, the man Nova saw before her couldn’t have been who she’d initially mistaken him for. He couldn’t be the same person she’d so unwisely and thoughtlessly attempted to defend, the one whose presence comforted and soothed her even in the midst of the darkest turmoil and tragedy.
“Who are you, and what are you doing here?”
He must have finally been addressing her…she tried to sit up. He shoved her back down, the cool edge of his familiar knife stinging against her throat. She gasped, straining helplessly to put some distance between them, but the pressure only increased. To die by his hands here and now…it was insane, impossible. There was no way this could really be happening. There was no way this was the same man that she’d so recklessly fallen in love with.
“Hei…please…what’s going on? What’s wrong with you?”
“I’m the one asking the questions,” he snapped, and the intensity of his hostility cut her deeper than his knife ever could. “Why do you know my name? Who are you? I won’t ask a third time.”
“You don’t…” Recognize me. Thus far she’d held it together, even considering the physical distress, but the emotional burden was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She felt one roll down the side of her cheek as she tried to look at him, to meet his malicious gaze. He didn’t know who she was…and she could barely recognize him. Honestly, he looked like a deadbeat drunk that’d given up on life a long time ago…and he smelled like one, too. The overwhelming scent of alcohol wafting from every part of him only upset her more. What had happened, why was he like this? Maybe she could get him to answer some questions of her own if she managed to prove her compliance.
“It’s me, it’s Nova!” She launched into a desperate explanation. “Nova, the girl who’s always giving you too much trouble, but you put up with me anyway. The other black cat you always end up having to wrangle or protect, but you only ever try to make me feel better about it. The one you’re always so nice to even though I know I don’t deserve it--”
She couldn’t even process him slapping her across the face. The simple shock of the act erased it from her memory the second it occurred, but the throbbing warmth in her cheek indicated that something unpleasant must have taken place. She was helpless to repress the building wave of tears that clogged her throat and her vision.
“Spare me your lies. I’ve never seen you before in my life. Who sent you here, who told you to track me?”
“Hei…please…” she wanted to answer his questions, but the distracting ache in her chest, her throat, her face made it difficult for her to grasp and employ even a meager amount of coherency. “I’m sorry…whatever I did, or someone else did. Whatever happened to you, I’m sorry--”
He raised his hand a second time and she yelped, forcing the next waterfall of words out as fast as she could form them. “No one sent me! I’m not here for you, I didn’t even know…I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not lying, I’m not lying, I swear! Even if you don’t know me now…I’m a friend, an ally. I won’t do anything to hurt or betray you. I’ve only been here for five, ten minutes tops. In this place, with all the snow, I don’t even know where we are! Do I look like someone they’d send after you, am I dressed like someone they’d send to locate and infiltrate this place?”
His hand came down regardless, the sound of skin hitting skin making her ears ring, and she kicked at him in an instinctive reflex of self-preservation. “Stop! Stop hitting me! What’s wrong with you? Just tell me! Tell me what happened, explain what’s going on! I know you want me to explain but I can’t, I don’t know, I just…”
Her words were trickling out in pieces now, but Nova did her best to press on. “I just showed up here. You and me, a couple of minutes ago, we were running from someone. A Contractor, I don’t know what his power was, but I jumped in front of you to block the hit. Whatever it was, I must have made it in time, and I woke up face down in the fucking snow in the middle of nowhere! Then you came at me like a fucking hit man, nailing me in the back like that. I wouldn’t have run! I can’t do fucking anything to you and you know that! Why are you so on edge? Why do you look like this? What happened to you? Please…I’m sorry.”
He looked like he wanted to get a word in, but she couldn’t seem to stop more of her own from pouring out. “I’m sorry about what happened. Whatever it was. God, for it to be this bad…for it to do this to you…what happened Hei? What did they do to you, what did they take from you? You say you don’t know me, but you don’t look any younger than the Hei I know. I don’t know who you are, which Hei you are, how I got here, why I’m here…but God, what did they do to you? What could have possibly been horrible enough to turn you into something like this?”
The young girl spoke up again as the remainder of Nova’s words were swallowed up in barely restrained sobs. “Maybe you should let her go. She doesn’t seem to mean any harm, I think she’s telling the--”
He backhanded her to the ground. Violent, impulsive, unremorseful. When he rose from his position of pinning her down to deal with the girl, Nova kicked at him with everything she had. “Stop, stop! That’s enough! Stop acting like this! Stop being such a fucking asshole! What the fuck is wrong with you? She’s just a kid! If you’re pissed, if you’re upset, fine, take it out on me, I’m used to shit like that. Tell me how worthless I am to make yourself feel better, if that’s what it takes. But stop this. Stop hurting her!” Stop hurting me! Her brain screamed, begging her to say it, but she kept those words locked up. Whatever was going on, it wasn’t about her right now. She just wanted to get to the bottom of his pain.
“Hei…I’m sorry,” she defaulted back to that tactic, at a loss to say anything else. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from this. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it from happening. Whatever’s going on, why you don’t know me…I’m sorry. I’d fix it if I could. If I thought I could. But you, this…you have to stop. You have to stop doing this, being like this. I know you. The Hei I know would never resort to treating people this way, whether they were people he knows and cares about, or complete strangers. You always give everyone at least one chance…I wish I had a chance to fix things. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about whatever happened to you. I’m sorry about this pain…whatever pain you’re carrying. I already know you’ve been through a lot, I can’t imagine what more you’ve gone through that I don’t know about, what’s pushed you to this point. Please, just--”
“Stop talking.” He turned on her with fierce, resentful eyes. “You aren’t someone I know or care about. What reason do I have to spare your life?”
The finality of his tone turned her blood to ice. “No. No, you can’t do this. Hei, you can’t, please--”
“If you really don’t know anything, then you’re useless to me.” He repositioned the knife in his hand. “But you’ve seen my face, and you know who I am.” His cruel, callous expression explained what he left unsaid with crystal clarity: and if that’s the case, obviously I can’t let you live.
“No!”
She heard his strike slice through the air, but before it made impact she was sucked back into the same strange limbo as before. Like she was passing through some kind of portal…that had to be what the ability was. Something about transporting or teleporting people somewhere. She couldn’t parse the details of where, though. Or maybe even when. But that man, the one that’d been seconds away from taking her life…there was no mistaking him. He hadn’t denied or corrected how she’d addressed him, essentially confirming that he was indeed the same, perhaps the only Hei she knew.
She emerged on the other side sicker than before. The air that hit her face was mild and the dark, artificial visage of the night sky was clearly displayed above her. Someone was holding her, carrying her somewhere, albeit much more tenderly than how she’d been manhandled just a few moments prior. She struggled against her captor, thrashing and twisting in an attempt to free herself. She was alive, and this time she was determined to get away. No one was going to get the drop on her like that again.
“Nova, Nova, calm down.” The voice that she’d found so consoling before now only served to spike her heart with fear and dread. “It’s okay, you’re okay. It’s me. Quit fighting me, you’re alright, you’re safe.”
“No…”
Ducking into a deserted alleyway, Hei quickly checked their surroundings to ensure they weren’t being followed or watched. When he finally set her down Nova’s feet dug against the pavement, propelling her away from him and into the wall as if she was hoping to phase through it somehow. Her expression was pained, contorted, dark with despair. Wherever that Contractor’s power had sent her, it clearly hadn’t been anywhere good. But that didn’t make sense…in his last words the man had mentioned a few random details regarding his power. He was essentially able to send someone to an alternate reality, a different timeline where they’d pop up in close proximity to someone they knew. Who had she met, and what had they done to her?
Tear stains streaking down red, slightly swollen cheeks…blood trickling from her neck. He tossed his mask to the side, gently cradling her face in his smooth gloved hands as he coaxed her to look at him.
“Nova, please. Calm down. Breathe. You’re alright now, you’re safe.”
“You…” her speech came out broken, gasping. Still infected with panicked, overwhelmed sobs, the complicated and conflicting feelings swirling in her chest couldn’t decide whether she should trust him or try to make a break for it. “No.”
“What happened?” He caressed one of her cheeks and she winced; she hadn’t reacted out of pain, but aversion. Fear that he would strike her again. Of course, he couldn’t know that, and simply lightened his touch in an attempt to avoid agitating her wounds.
“What happened?” he repeated icily. “Who did this to you? Who hurt you?”
“H--H…” she wanted to say his name, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Forcing her vision to clear through the tears, she managed to recognize enough of his face to ensure that she really was safe, that this was the person she could trust. Thrusting herself into his embrace, she slotted her arms under his own as her fingers knotted in his coat.
“Hei…”
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.” They weren’t going to get anywhere until she calmed down, and the best idea he could come up with was to give her whatever time and comfort she needed to do so. As she buried her face against his shoulder, he placed one hand lightly on her back and carefully laced his fingers in her hair with the other. “You’re okay, you’re safe. I’m here.”
“Hei…” Her speech was muffled by fabric and tears, but he managed to make it out. “It was you.”
“Yes, it’s me. I’m the only one here.”
“No.” Pulling back just enough to see his face, she tried to wipe some of the mess off of her own before forcing herself to clarify. “It was you, Hei. You’re the one…” She started to break down again and he simply held her, waiting patiently for her to find her composure. “You’re the one who…who did this to me.”
Every muscle in his body tensed as if she’d struck him, beat him, twisted a knife in his gut. Gripping her shoulders and shoving her back, he couldn’t control his forcefulness; the shock of her admission had practically knocked the wind out of him. “What? What do you mean?”
“It was you, Hei,” she repeated, smothering an impulsive sob in her hand. “I…I don’t know what happened. I don’t know where I was, where you were. You wouldn’t tell me anything. You knocked me out and took me to some shoddy rundown shed. You questioned me, wanted to know who sent me, why I was there. There was a kid there, a young girl…sounded like she could have been a teenager, but I didn’t get a good look at her. You…”
She shuddered with another cry and he tenderly took one of her hands in his own. “It’s okay, don’t push yourself.”
“You hit her,” she finally managed to choke out. “You smacked her to the ground. You restrained me, hit me, put your knife to my throat. You…you were…”
Every word she spoke was like a poison dagger hacking his heart to pieces. “Nova, you don’t have to--”
“You were going to kill me.”
His eyes grew wide as she embraced him once more, clung to him like an injured child seeking comfort from the first source they happen to find. He was paralyzed, stunned, overcome with disbelief. Such terrible, heartless, cruel actions…and using them on her no less. If he could track down that heinous version of himself right now he would strangle him to death with his bare hands, no hesitation. His fingers ached with the desire to enact that justice, but he knew it was impossible. He couldn’t know that version of himself, and that was probably for the best. But the fact that Nova was forced to face him, and suffer at his hands…the combined weight of his misery and shame were crushing.
“I’m so sorry.” What a weak, empty response. But what else could he say? “I’m sorry.” He felt his own throat starting to close up with grief and guilt. “I promise, I swear I’ll never do anything like that to you. I’ll never hurt you like that…again. I promise I’ll never hurt you, Nova.”
She wanted to reassure him, to tell him that she trusted him, believed in him. But right now, she wasn’t sure she did. She wasn’t sure what she believed in. Whatever horrid situation she’d happened to end up in…it was going to haunt her for awhile. Maybe forever. But the most unsettling thing was knowing that it really was Hei. That the Hei she knew now could become that…maybe even would. She still didn’t know the details, the circumstances that’d turned him into the ruthless monster that’d been seconds away from taking her life. She probably never would. And without that certainty, how could she possibly prevent the Hei she knew from treading down the same ruinous path?
“Do you…do you really promise?”
“I promise, I swear it,” he repeated, tightening his hold to the point that both of their muscles grew sore. “I promise to never hurt you like that, to never hurt you if I can help it, to never hurt you on purpose…and I’ll protect you from anything that does. Especially myself.”
“I’m so tired…” she mumbled, finally surrendering to his hold. “I want a hot bath.”
“I think we can take care of both those things,” he assured, slipping his mask back on before getting to his feet. He held her with one arm like a child, balancing her against his torso with the bent limb she rested on.
“Did you kill the other Contractor?” she asked innocently, not missing the way he stiffened at her words. “Is that why I came back when I did?”
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly in a guarded, distant tone. “If that’s why you came back, I mean. I took care of him, and that’s all that matters. Oh, and next time, don’t you dare even think about trying to take a hit for me.”
“Or what, you’ll hit me instead?” She hadn’t made her quip with malicious intent, but she could practically feel the anguish rolling off of him the second the words left her lips.
“You’re not the one with the bulletproof coat, or the years of combat and self-defense experience,” he replied dryly, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders both as a comfort and an apology.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” she cut in before he could continue or default to dwelling on the thought. “I know what you mean. I was stupid, and I’m sorry. If the power had been anything else, something explosive or piercing or crushing, I know I would have been fucked. And right in front of you, too. I don’t want to put you through any kind of pain like that, ever. So, if me being okay is really that important to you, I’ll do better to make sure I take better care of myself from now on.”
“And I’ll do whatever I can to make sure I don’t become the person you were unfortunate enough to meet.” That person was already fading from her mind, possibly as a defense mechanism, but she didn’t mind. The only Hei she needed or wanted was this one, her Hei. “I may not know what happened to make me that way, and I may never find out, but I’m sorry I ever turned into something like that. I’m sorry you of all people had to see me that way.”
“You know, if you hadn’t acted like such an asshole, it almost would have been funny,” Nova continued, a bit out of sorts as her adrenaline fueled anxiety was replaced by a mollifying sense of denial. “Your hair was longer, I think you even had it tied back. You were all scruffy, and you smelled like a bar…it was like you were a hobo or something.” Detaching one of her hands from his shoulder, she reached up and lightly poked his mask. “I didn’t even know you could grow scruff.”
“Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?” he asked weakly, clearly trying to humor her. Nova was grateful for his kindness, but underneath it all she could tell that Hei wanted nothing more than to abandon this topic, anything that would remind either of them of her hellish experience, and wipe it from both of their minds for good.
“It’s just an observation,” she replied softly, swapping her finger for her lips as she gave him a light peck on the cheek. “I’m not a huge fan of the scruffy look, anyway. I like you just the way you are.”