Reveal (pt. 2)
Jul. 8th, 2020 08:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nyanderenekoWord Count: 3,655
Summary: Coming to terms with a secret she would have been better off not knowing, Nova faces the consequences of her nosiness at the hands of the last person that wanted her to find out.
Author’s Note: I don’t know what it is about this fic, but I just really like the way it came out. I went back and forth a lot about whether or not I was going to rework it, despite complaining about the fact that I didn’t want to do that, because I felt like I messed up the flow and characterization and how I originally wanted this whole thing to play out…but playing around with it, I think I was able to get closer to the exchange I wanted without having to start from scratch. If I really wanted to, I suppose I could write an alternate scenario to go with this, but for now I’m just gonna present it as is. Thank you for reading!
“Li, just let me go, let me--”
“Be quiet.”
Ah, he was angry. Well, that was understandable, she supposed, considering the veritable nightmare that’d just transpired between them. The less than fortuitous turn of events that had ended in Nova uncovering the sordid, closely guarded details of his little--or rather, actually quite big--stash of secrets. She didn’t know where he was hauling her, dragging her by the arm like a leashed animal. There was no escaping or breaking his iron grip that was more fittingly like a shackle around her wrist. But the destination wasn’t that important, was it? Not as important as the mind boggling, life altering revelation that the previously innocent looking and charming man she’d had a hand in setting her best friend up with was actually an infamous, notorious, lethal Contractor.
The world was just working against her in every way, wasn’t it? The universe had branded her as an enemy, or perhaps as a discarded, downtrodden soul that deserved to have her suffering compounded exponentially at every turn. She’d come to terms with that role, and surely this time would be no different. Even if she didn’t want to, at least she knew she had the resolve to do so, and that confidence would hopefully be enough to get her through this next little ordeal no worse for wear. She could manage that much externally, but when it came to the internal state of things…well, it was much more practical to bury that concern under the growing pile of various other problems she currently had on her plate, ripe and ready to be sifted through.
Fumbling up the narrow steps of his apartment complex, the metallic clang of their shoes striking the stairs as they climbed them recklessly, with purpose…he was taking her back to his home, or what barely served as one. Sure, it was a fine apartment, not necessarily impressive but more than enough to fulfill its chief function as a temporary shelter. The most haunting thing about Hei’s living situation to her, though, was that…he had nothing. Really, nothing. No real furniture or any other belongings to speak of, just a dull, empty apartment where she assumed he tended to his wounds or attempted to find a sliver of rest and respite between missions.
He didn’t bother trying to employ any stealth for their arrival, ploughing right through the front entrance instead…still dressed in his signature Black Reaper attire. That wasn’t exactly wise, but considering how late it was, and how out of sorts this whole thing had left him, Hei couldn’t really find it in himself to care about keeping up appearances. It wouldn’t be an issue, he was sure…the people around here weren’t suspicious, or even all that observant. The only thing he was focused on at the moment was getting her inside, tied up, and grilling her for any and every piece of viable information she had.
Now that she knew, there was no use trying to play it off, to come up with some sort of excuse or story…it was too obvious. There wasn’t enough flexibility in this particular instance, nothing for him to work with or mold into a coherent, convincing excuse. Of course, if it had to be anyone, he supposed he was fine with it being her…he hated having to lie. But, knowing the way the Syndicate felt about leaks, and the ruthless methods they employed to prevent and clean them up at all costs…a nauseating wave of understanding, revulsion, and dread at what might come to pass, what he might end up being instructed to do, enveloped him and chilled him to the bone.
“Li, please--”
“I said be quiet,” he commanded, thrusting her through the threshold into the dark, dreary, lifeless space.
She tried to come up with something, anything to say…even if he kept telling her to be quiet, that just wasn’t going to fly. She had so many questions that needed answers, truths she needed to understand, blanks she needed filled in. Apparently, he wasn’t going to give her the opportunity to present any of them, if he ended up giving her a chance to speak at all.
There was no blinding light obscuring her vision, no big empty table for interrogation separating her and her captor. It could have been worse, but honestly, the fact that she was even in a situation like this was a problem in and of itself. It wasn’t like there was all that much she could do to get out of it, though…not until he decided to let her go. For the moment, it didn’t seem like that would be happening any time soon, considering how he bound her up and plopped her down in the middle of his apartment. It was a room she’d seen on a few previous occasions, but never in this light, under these circumstances. Arms twisted behind her back like a criminal, she couldn’t help finding it at least a little ironic considering the individual that’d done this to her.
Maybe she could still talk her way out of this? Surely he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her too badly…then again, how much could she trust anything she thought she knew about him anymore? He had his back to her, his posture rigid and unnervingly still; it was hard to tell if he was even breathing. He stared blankly ahead at something she couldn’t see, or perhaps nothing at all. What was he thinking, why had he brought her back here? Maybe he was hoping to keep things discreet, to settle this issue without the risk of witnesses. His power, something to do with electricity…she’d been able to surmise that much. It seemed that most of the rumors she’d been hearing about him were true, actually, and she wasn’t sure whether or not she should be relieved or even more terrified.
He could end her life in the blink of an eye, not just with his power, but in so many ways. He must have had an arsenal of tools and tricks he could employ to take a life, since the gruesome truth of his profession had also been confirmed. Was this really the end, the penultimate final act that fate had in store for her? Well, she had to give the universe points for originality, if nothing else.
“What were you doing there?” he finally addressed her, and she almost jumped out of her skin.
“What?”
The time it took him to turn around felt like an instant and an eternity all at once. His face, a face she thought she knew well and even admired to some degree, was on full display with an expression that turned her blood to ice. Apathetic, detached, with an air of resentment that made her want to burst into tears…but she managed to keep them at bay.
“I asked what you were doing there. Who are you working for? Who told you to track me down?”
“Track you down?” For a moment, she was more preoccupied with her confusion than any concern for her safety. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t work for anyone, tonight was a mistake--”
“You expect me to believe that?”
“Yes!” she snapped, pushing herself up on her knees. “Yeah, I expect you to believe that, because you know it’s true! Tracking you or stalking you or whatever--the ‘Black Reaper’--I’m not involved with anyone that would be interested in information like that. Apart from myself, I guess. But I’m starting to think it would have been better if I’d just stayed in the dark.”
“Yeah, it would have,” he conceded coldly, still watching her with that unsettlingly sharp, lifeless gaze that tore her heart to shreds.
“I was just…” she bit her lip, trying to think of the right words, any words that would get her out of this mess with as little conflict as possible. “I just had to be sure. No, I mean, I guess I didn’t. But I wanted to be. Because you…because the Black Reaper saved me, not too long ago. I know you know what I’m talking about, since you’re apparently the same guy. And I guess it makes sense that you let me live…or maybe it doesn’t. But the point is that you did, and ever since that night I just. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, I haven’t been able to stop wondering if it really was--”
“And are you satisfied now?” His tone was so harsh, bitter. It paired perfectly with his affect, but that only made the whole ordeal more harrowing for her. “Do you feel better now that you know the truth?”
“No. Well, actually, yeah, in a way I do. Look, this is all still really confusing, and fucked up, and I don’t understand why you brought me back here--”
“It’s for your own good,” he answered bluntly, and she didn’t miss the almost imperceptible way his hands clenched.
“My own good? Tying me up and interrogating me like I’m some sort of felon is ‘for my own good?’”
“You don’t have to understand. I don’t expect you to understand any of this--”
“Well, that’s good, because I don’t,” she countered, finally starting to feel a flicker of courage stoke the flame in her veins. “I don’t understand anything that’s going on, who you really are, why things had to turn out this way…I mean, it’s just par for the course for me at this point. Disappointment after disappointment…”
He had her here, his bound captive, and he already knew he wasn’t going to be able to live that aspect of this fiasco down. He didn’t want to hurt her, didn’t want to do any of this, but he had to be the one to take responsibility this time. Not because he saw this as some kind of life ruining predicament, since he had at least a slim modicum of faith that she wouldn’t betray him or his identity, but because if he didn’t, there was no doubt that the Syndicate would step in. And, unlike him, they wouldn’t bother asking questions. They’d probably barely acknowledge her presence, if they acknowledged it at all, before simply snuffing her out, washing their hands of any potential problems that might stem from this harmless incident without so much as batting an eye.
He’d messed up, this was all his fault. He was the one that’d been careless, he was the one with the convoluted collection of fake identities that needed to be protected. Now she knew more than she should, and if he didn’t find a way to settle this peacefully, he was sure he’d never know any measure of peace again. Erasing her memories was the most straightforward option, but he’d have to take her to someone to do that, and he didn’t want to risk turning her over to anyone else, period. Even if they let her live, who knew what kind of experiments and tests they’d want to run on this girl who was also, unfortunately, an anomaly of the Gate. Though he didn’t plan on going down that road at any cost, perhaps he could at least use that threat as leverage to guarantee her compliance as a last resort.
He took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose before lapsing back into his mask of stoicism. “Everything I’m about to tell you…it’s beyond confidential, alright? Both of us could be killed right this second for even discussing this information, for even thinking about discussing it. If you tell anyone, and I mean anyone, anything about what you saw tonight, I promise it won’t end well for either of us. I won’t hesitate to turn you over to some place like Pandora if you--”
“I’m not going to tell anyone,” she replied curtly, her own words coated with indignance. Her voice was like needles pricking his skin, his brain, his heart. “But the longer we keep going back and forth like this, the scarier this gets. Just tell me if you’re going to kill me already…or don’t. Actually, that sounds like the better option, keeping something like that to yourself. Just get it over with quickly, quietly, because I’d really prefer to not suffer--”
“I’m not going to kill you.” The fact that she even thought he could or would commit such an atrocious act cut him deeper than he would have liked. “Don’t be stupid. I don’t have any reason to defer to such a serious course of action…yet.”
“Then I’m not done asking questions,” she pressed on, fresh fire blazing in her eyes. “You haven’t been using Kiko this whole time, have you? Just to keep tabs on me, or any other Contractor related nonsense? Because she’s got nothing to do with it, any of it. If you’re going to have a problem with someone, it’s me, I’m the one you want--”
If only she understood the significance, the depth of truth in that one impulsive, seemingly inconsequential statement. “Kiko never had anything to do with any of this. Our connection is just a coincidence, and I was hoping to keep it that way. I humored her because I thought it might make things easier, but now that you know the truth…it’s only going to make things more dangerous for her. For both of you.”
“I know.” The young woman bowed her head in dejection, ears pressed flat against her hair. “I never wanted her to get involved in any of this. I didn’t want to be involved, either, but as only someone like you can see, I don’t really have a choice.”
“You do.” Well, that surprised her, but she was simultaneously having a hard time being surprised by anything. “You do have a choice, and hopefully I’ll be able to help you make the right one. Which is staying out of all of this as much as possible.”
“Guess I should have taken all those polite rejections more seriously when I was trying to push you and Kiko together, huh?”
He exhaled in irritation. “You’re involved in this now, but it doesn’t necessarily mean anything has to change. I’m only telling you all this because I think the more you know, the more you’ll be able to use what you know to avoid getting involved further. Which is my advice: you need to separate yourself from me, from all of this, the minute you step foot out that door.”
“So, what, we can’t be friends anymore?” As much as she knew it shouldn’t matter, she couldn’t help being struck with an unsettling twinge of disappointment. “Does that mean you’re breaking up with Kiko, too?”
“It means you’re just supposed to pretend that none of this ever happened,” he answered dryly. “On the surface, nothing’s going to change.”
Well, maybe that was at least a little bit of a relief.
He launched into a lengthy exposition about the ins and outs of his life working as a Contractor for the Syndicate: who he worked with, the kind of work he did, why he did it in the first place. In the course of it all Nova found herself overwhelmed with a conflicting sense of misery. Pity. He didn’t reveal any more than he needed to for her to make sense of things, but the information he did provide tugged at her heartstrings like a bow that’d been crafted specifically for them. Together they played a familiar melody of sympathy for Hei, the unfortunate Contractor that’d been molded into one of the most reliable and lethal hitmen for a Syndicate that, like many other contemporary organizations and groups, hired Contractors for their ability, their prowess as heartless killers.
“So…Hei…” Not the most eloquent response, but it was too late to take it back. “Is that what you want me to call you now?”
“Call me whatever you want,” he shrugged, his tone colored with a strange note of somber indifference. “Li, Hei, that bastard…it’s all the same to me. However, it’d be great if you could keep the appearances up around other people. I don’t want my codename, or the fact that I have a codename in the first place, circulating around town.”
“Yeah, that makes sense…”
Since the beginning of their conversation, the man Nova now knew more personally as Hei had shed his coat and most of his animosity. She’d convinced him to undo her restraints, too, which was a welcome relief. Sitting together in this barren, desolate room, discussing the disturbing details of his existence while the fake stars twinkled idly above them just outside. She could feel her composure finally starting to slip, her control faintly, but undeniably cracking, and she hugged her chest in a futile attempt to avoid succumbing to the urge. But it was too late; the few stray tears that leaked down her cheeks were shameful evidence of that.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered, biting her lip and swallowing a cry. “I’m sorry. For all of this, any of this. If I’d just kept my head down, my mouth shut, maybe I wouldn’t have ended up--”
“You’re apologizing to me now?” The surprise in his voice distracted her long enough for her to rein some of the breakdown back in. Handling her carefully, cautiously, the young woman suddenly found herself cradled in the arms of the most dangerous person she knew…but, somehow, she’d never felt safer. “Don’t. Just stop. I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t handle this well, and I’m sorry for that. For putting you through this. I just panicked…usually I’m better about that, but. The Syndicate mows down anyone they deem unnecessary or troublesome at the drop of a hat. Hell, they’ll have them taken out before the hat even hits the ground. And I couldn’t…I don’t want them going after you. The longer we were out in the open, the more likely it was that we’d get discovered, but I also couldn’t just let you go. Not knowing anything, making random assumptions based on what you know, or saw, or thought you saw. I just needed…no, I need you to know I won’t hurt you. That’s the last thing I want. But, unfortunately, things are probably going to get more complicated from here on--”
“It’s fine,” Nova mumbled. “I’ve been expecting this for awhile. Well, not this exactly, of course, but I’ve always known I was probably gonna end up involved with some sort of Contractor bs at some point. I mean, I’m more human than not, I think…but I’m still not fully human. I’ve still been affected by the Gate, I’m connected to it like any other Contractor or Doll or what have you…even if it’s not in exactly the same way.”
“I’m sorry,” he offered with a sympathetic shimmer in his eye. She simply shrugged.
“Like I said, it’s fine. Besides, after being chased down by some of them recently and stuff, if I had to pick how I was gonna get involved in all this, this isn’t exactly the worst thing I could come up with, right? I mean, getting in the game with the Black Reaper on my side…I can definitely think of worse ways all of this could have gone.”
“I mean it when I say you don’t have to get involved,” Hei repeated in earnest. “You know enough to be smart about avoiding all of this, if you want. I think it would be better--”
“Yeah, I know you do,” she actually smiled, and there was no refuting the dismay that came over him as his heart skipped a beat. “But, like I said, it could be worse. I’m involved whether I want to be or not. It was only a matter of time…because of how I look, my powers. Because I have been influenced by the Gate. Be it that Syndicate or Pandora or some other random Contractor…I would have been dragged into things eventually. But at least now I’ve got you backing me up.”
Hei sighed, rubbing his neck as he continued, “Yeah, well. As long as you can keep a secret, I guess it’s alright for now. But please, the most important thing I need you to remember is that you cannot, under any circumstances tell anyone, anyone, so much as a hint or riddle about anything I’ve told you--”
“Pinky promise,” she replied, linking one of his gloved fingers with her own. “I know it’s dangerous, Hei. You already saved me from being killed or sold or whatever once. Who knows how many other things you’ve saved me from that I didn’t even know about. And knowing that you’re out there all the time, day and night, fighting for your life…you deserve better. But for now, I guess we’ll just have to make due with what we’ve got. I’m going to do my best, anyway. I’ll be your ally. You can trust me, really, and maybe someday I’ll even prove to be a little useful, a little reliable--”
“I honestly hope that day never comes,” he admitted, his expression dark with despair as he struggled to ignore the distraction of his hand tingling where they’d touched. Holding her in his lap like this, cradled against him like it was the most natural thing in the world…he couldn’t let this become a trend, even if he desperately wanted it to. Keeping their distance was going to be different now, important in new and more convoluted ways…he wasn’t looking forward to it, yet somehow, he also felt a mild pang of relief that he didn’t have to hide anymore. He didn’t have to pretend. She knew the truth, and she’d accepted it…accepted him. Going forward, what would all of it possibly end up meaning for them?
Summary: Coming to terms with a secret she would have been better off not knowing, Nova faces the consequences of her nosiness at the hands of the last person that wanted her to find out.
Author’s Note: I don’t know what it is about this fic, but I just really like the way it came out. I went back and forth a lot about whether or not I was going to rework it, despite complaining about the fact that I didn’t want to do that, because I felt like I messed up the flow and characterization and how I originally wanted this whole thing to play out…but playing around with it, I think I was able to get closer to the exchange I wanted without having to start from scratch. If I really wanted to, I suppose I could write an alternate scenario to go with this, but for now I’m just gonna present it as is. Thank you for reading!
_____
“Li, just let me go, let me--”
“Be quiet.”
Ah, he was angry. Well, that was understandable, she supposed, considering the veritable nightmare that’d just transpired between them. The less than fortuitous turn of events that had ended in Nova uncovering the sordid, closely guarded details of his little--or rather, actually quite big--stash of secrets. She didn’t know where he was hauling her, dragging her by the arm like a leashed animal. There was no escaping or breaking his iron grip that was more fittingly like a shackle around her wrist. But the destination wasn’t that important, was it? Not as important as the mind boggling, life altering revelation that the previously innocent looking and charming man she’d had a hand in setting her best friend up with was actually an infamous, notorious, lethal Contractor.
The world was just working against her in every way, wasn’t it? The universe had branded her as an enemy, or perhaps as a discarded, downtrodden soul that deserved to have her suffering compounded exponentially at every turn. She’d come to terms with that role, and surely this time would be no different. Even if she didn’t want to, at least she knew she had the resolve to do so, and that confidence would hopefully be enough to get her through this next little ordeal no worse for wear. She could manage that much externally, but when it came to the internal state of things…well, it was much more practical to bury that concern under the growing pile of various other problems she currently had on her plate, ripe and ready to be sifted through.
Fumbling up the narrow steps of his apartment complex, the metallic clang of their shoes striking the stairs as they climbed them recklessly, with purpose…he was taking her back to his home, or what barely served as one. Sure, it was a fine apartment, not necessarily impressive but more than enough to fulfill its chief function as a temporary shelter. The most haunting thing about Hei’s living situation to her, though, was that…he had nothing. Really, nothing. No real furniture or any other belongings to speak of, just a dull, empty apartment where she assumed he tended to his wounds or attempted to find a sliver of rest and respite between missions.
He didn’t bother trying to employ any stealth for their arrival, ploughing right through the front entrance instead…still dressed in his signature Black Reaper attire. That wasn’t exactly wise, but considering how late it was, and how out of sorts this whole thing had left him, Hei couldn’t really find it in himself to care about keeping up appearances. It wouldn’t be an issue, he was sure…the people around here weren’t suspicious, or even all that observant. The only thing he was focused on at the moment was getting her inside, tied up, and grilling her for any and every piece of viable information she had.
Now that she knew, there was no use trying to play it off, to come up with some sort of excuse or story…it was too obvious. There wasn’t enough flexibility in this particular instance, nothing for him to work with or mold into a coherent, convincing excuse. Of course, if it had to be anyone, he supposed he was fine with it being her…he hated having to lie. But, knowing the way the Syndicate felt about leaks, and the ruthless methods they employed to prevent and clean them up at all costs…a nauseating wave of understanding, revulsion, and dread at what might come to pass, what he might end up being instructed to do, enveloped him and chilled him to the bone.
“Li, please--”
“I said be quiet,” he commanded, thrusting her through the threshold into the dark, dreary, lifeless space.
She tried to come up with something, anything to say…even if he kept telling her to be quiet, that just wasn’t going to fly. She had so many questions that needed answers, truths she needed to understand, blanks she needed filled in. Apparently, he wasn’t going to give her the opportunity to present any of them, if he ended up giving her a chance to speak at all.
There was no blinding light obscuring her vision, no big empty table for interrogation separating her and her captor. It could have been worse, but honestly, the fact that she was even in a situation like this was a problem in and of itself. It wasn’t like there was all that much she could do to get out of it, though…not until he decided to let her go. For the moment, it didn’t seem like that would be happening any time soon, considering how he bound her up and plopped her down in the middle of his apartment. It was a room she’d seen on a few previous occasions, but never in this light, under these circumstances. Arms twisted behind her back like a criminal, she couldn’t help finding it at least a little ironic considering the individual that’d done this to her.
Maybe she could still talk her way out of this? Surely he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her too badly…then again, how much could she trust anything she thought she knew about him anymore? He had his back to her, his posture rigid and unnervingly still; it was hard to tell if he was even breathing. He stared blankly ahead at something she couldn’t see, or perhaps nothing at all. What was he thinking, why had he brought her back here? Maybe he was hoping to keep things discreet, to settle this issue without the risk of witnesses. His power, something to do with electricity…she’d been able to surmise that much. It seemed that most of the rumors she’d been hearing about him were true, actually, and she wasn’t sure whether or not she should be relieved or even more terrified.
He could end her life in the blink of an eye, not just with his power, but in so many ways. He must have had an arsenal of tools and tricks he could employ to take a life, since the gruesome truth of his profession had also been confirmed. Was this really the end, the penultimate final act that fate had in store for her? Well, she had to give the universe points for originality, if nothing else.
“What were you doing there?” he finally addressed her, and she almost jumped out of her skin.
“What?”
The time it took him to turn around felt like an instant and an eternity all at once. His face, a face she thought she knew well and even admired to some degree, was on full display with an expression that turned her blood to ice. Apathetic, detached, with an air of resentment that made her want to burst into tears…but she managed to keep them at bay.
“I asked what you were doing there. Who are you working for? Who told you to track me down?”
“Track you down?” For a moment, she was more preoccupied with her confusion than any concern for her safety. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t work for anyone, tonight was a mistake--”
“You expect me to believe that?”
“Yes!” she snapped, pushing herself up on her knees. “Yeah, I expect you to believe that, because you know it’s true! Tracking you or stalking you or whatever--the ‘Black Reaper’--I’m not involved with anyone that would be interested in information like that. Apart from myself, I guess. But I’m starting to think it would have been better if I’d just stayed in the dark.”
“Yeah, it would have,” he conceded coldly, still watching her with that unsettlingly sharp, lifeless gaze that tore her heart to shreds.
“I was just…” she bit her lip, trying to think of the right words, any words that would get her out of this mess with as little conflict as possible. “I just had to be sure. No, I mean, I guess I didn’t. But I wanted to be. Because you…because the Black Reaper saved me, not too long ago. I know you know what I’m talking about, since you’re apparently the same guy. And I guess it makes sense that you let me live…or maybe it doesn’t. But the point is that you did, and ever since that night I just. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, I haven’t been able to stop wondering if it really was--”
“And are you satisfied now?” His tone was so harsh, bitter. It paired perfectly with his affect, but that only made the whole ordeal more harrowing for her. “Do you feel better now that you know the truth?”
“No. Well, actually, yeah, in a way I do. Look, this is all still really confusing, and fucked up, and I don’t understand why you brought me back here--”
“It’s for your own good,” he answered bluntly, and she didn’t miss the almost imperceptible way his hands clenched.
“My own good? Tying me up and interrogating me like I’m some sort of felon is ‘for my own good?’”
“You don’t have to understand. I don’t expect you to understand any of this--”
“Well, that’s good, because I don’t,” she countered, finally starting to feel a flicker of courage stoke the flame in her veins. “I don’t understand anything that’s going on, who you really are, why things had to turn out this way…I mean, it’s just par for the course for me at this point. Disappointment after disappointment…”
He had her here, his bound captive, and he already knew he wasn’t going to be able to live that aspect of this fiasco down. He didn’t want to hurt her, didn’t want to do any of this, but he had to be the one to take responsibility this time. Not because he saw this as some kind of life ruining predicament, since he had at least a slim modicum of faith that she wouldn’t betray him or his identity, but because if he didn’t, there was no doubt that the Syndicate would step in. And, unlike him, they wouldn’t bother asking questions. They’d probably barely acknowledge her presence, if they acknowledged it at all, before simply snuffing her out, washing their hands of any potential problems that might stem from this harmless incident without so much as batting an eye.
He’d messed up, this was all his fault. He was the one that’d been careless, he was the one with the convoluted collection of fake identities that needed to be protected. Now she knew more than she should, and if he didn’t find a way to settle this peacefully, he was sure he’d never know any measure of peace again. Erasing her memories was the most straightforward option, but he’d have to take her to someone to do that, and he didn’t want to risk turning her over to anyone else, period. Even if they let her live, who knew what kind of experiments and tests they’d want to run on this girl who was also, unfortunately, an anomaly of the Gate. Though he didn’t plan on going down that road at any cost, perhaps he could at least use that threat as leverage to guarantee her compliance as a last resort.
He took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose before lapsing back into his mask of stoicism. “Everything I’m about to tell you…it’s beyond confidential, alright? Both of us could be killed right this second for even discussing this information, for even thinking about discussing it. If you tell anyone, and I mean anyone, anything about what you saw tonight, I promise it won’t end well for either of us. I won’t hesitate to turn you over to some place like Pandora if you--”
“I’m not going to tell anyone,” she replied curtly, her own words coated with indignance. Her voice was like needles pricking his skin, his brain, his heart. “But the longer we keep going back and forth like this, the scarier this gets. Just tell me if you’re going to kill me already…or don’t. Actually, that sounds like the better option, keeping something like that to yourself. Just get it over with quickly, quietly, because I’d really prefer to not suffer--”
“I’m not going to kill you.” The fact that she even thought he could or would commit such an atrocious act cut him deeper than he would have liked. “Don’t be stupid. I don’t have any reason to defer to such a serious course of action…yet.”
“Then I’m not done asking questions,” she pressed on, fresh fire blazing in her eyes. “You haven’t been using Kiko this whole time, have you? Just to keep tabs on me, or any other Contractor related nonsense? Because she’s got nothing to do with it, any of it. If you’re going to have a problem with someone, it’s me, I’m the one you want--”
If only she understood the significance, the depth of truth in that one impulsive, seemingly inconsequential statement. “Kiko never had anything to do with any of this. Our connection is just a coincidence, and I was hoping to keep it that way. I humored her because I thought it might make things easier, but now that you know the truth…it’s only going to make things more dangerous for her. For both of you.”
“I know.” The young woman bowed her head in dejection, ears pressed flat against her hair. “I never wanted her to get involved in any of this. I didn’t want to be involved, either, but as only someone like you can see, I don’t really have a choice.”
“You do.” Well, that surprised her, but she was simultaneously having a hard time being surprised by anything. “You do have a choice, and hopefully I’ll be able to help you make the right one. Which is staying out of all of this as much as possible.”
“Guess I should have taken all those polite rejections more seriously when I was trying to push you and Kiko together, huh?”
He exhaled in irritation. “You’re involved in this now, but it doesn’t necessarily mean anything has to change. I’m only telling you all this because I think the more you know, the more you’ll be able to use what you know to avoid getting involved further. Which is my advice: you need to separate yourself from me, from all of this, the minute you step foot out that door.”
“So, what, we can’t be friends anymore?” As much as she knew it shouldn’t matter, she couldn’t help being struck with an unsettling twinge of disappointment. “Does that mean you’re breaking up with Kiko, too?”
“It means you’re just supposed to pretend that none of this ever happened,” he answered dryly. “On the surface, nothing’s going to change.”
Well, maybe that was at least a little bit of a relief.
He launched into a lengthy exposition about the ins and outs of his life working as a Contractor for the Syndicate: who he worked with, the kind of work he did, why he did it in the first place. In the course of it all Nova found herself overwhelmed with a conflicting sense of misery. Pity. He didn’t reveal any more than he needed to for her to make sense of things, but the information he did provide tugged at her heartstrings like a bow that’d been crafted specifically for them. Together they played a familiar melody of sympathy for Hei, the unfortunate Contractor that’d been molded into one of the most reliable and lethal hitmen for a Syndicate that, like many other contemporary organizations and groups, hired Contractors for their ability, their prowess as heartless killers.
“So…Hei…” Not the most eloquent response, but it was too late to take it back. “Is that what you want me to call you now?”
“Call me whatever you want,” he shrugged, his tone colored with a strange note of somber indifference. “Li, Hei, that bastard…it’s all the same to me. However, it’d be great if you could keep the appearances up around other people. I don’t want my codename, or the fact that I have a codename in the first place, circulating around town.”
“Yeah, that makes sense…”
Since the beginning of their conversation, the man Nova now knew more personally as Hei had shed his coat and most of his animosity. She’d convinced him to undo her restraints, too, which was a welcome relief. Sitting together in this barren, desolate room, discussing the disturbing details of his existence while the fake stars twinkled idly above them just outside. She could feel her composure finally starting to slip, her control faintly, but undeniably cracking, and she hugged her chest in a futile attempt to avoid succumbing to the urge. But it was too late; the few stray tears that leaked down her cheeks were shameful evidence of that.
“I’m sorry,” she muttered, biting her lip and swallowing a cry. “I’m sorry. For all of this, any of this. If I’d just kept my head down, my mouth shut, maybe I wouldn’t have ended up--”
“You’re apologizing to me now?” The surprise in his voice distracted her long enough for her to rein some of the breakdown back in. Handling her carefully, cautiously, the young woman suddenly found herself cradled in the arms of the most dangerous person she knew…but, somehow, she’d never felt safer. “Don’t. Just stop. I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t handle this well, and I’m sorry for that. For putting you through this. I just panicked…usually I’m better about that, but. The Syndicate mows down anyone they deem unnecessary or troublesome at the drop of a hat. Hell, they’ll have them taken out before the hat even hits the ground. And I couldn’t…I don’t want them going after you. The longer we were out in the open, the more likely it was that we’d get discovered, but I also couldn’t just let you go. Not knowing anything, making random assumptions based on what you know, or saw, or thought you saw. I just needed…no, I need you to know I won’t hurt you. That’s the last thing I want. But, unfortunately, things are probably going to get more complicated from here on--”
“It’s fine,” Nova mumbled. “I’ve been expecting this for awhile. Well, not this exactly, of course, but I’ve always known I was probably gonna end up involved with some sort of Contractor bs at some point. I mean, I’m more human than not, I think…but I’m still not fully human. I’ve still been affected by the Gate, I’m connected to it like any other Contractor or Doll or what have you…even if it’s not in exactly the same way.”
“I’m sorry,” he offered with a sympathetic shimmer in his eye. She simply shrugged.
“Like I said, it’s fine. Besides, after being chased down by some of them recently and stuff, if I had to pick how I was gonna get involved in all this, this isn’t exactly the worst thing I could come up with, right? I mean, getting in the game with the Black Reaper on my side…I can definitely think of worse ways all of this could have gone.”
“I mean it when I say you don’t have to get involved,” Hei repeated in earnest. “You know enough to be smart about avoiding all of this, if you want. I think it would be better--”
“Yeah, I know you do,” she actually smiled, and there was no refuting the dismay that came over him as his heart skipped a beat. “But, like I said, it could be worse. I’m involved whether I want to be or not. It was only a matter of time…because of how I look, my powers. Because I have been influenced by the Gate. Be it that Syndicate or Pandora or some other random Contractor…I would have been dragged into things eventually. But at least now I’ve got you backing me up.”
Hei sighed, rubbing his neck as he continued, “Yeah, well. As long as you can keep a secret, I guess it’s alright for now. But please, the most important thing I need you to remember is that you cannot, under any circumstances tell anyone, anyone, so much as a hint or riddle about anything I’ve told you--”
“Pinky promise,” she replied, linking one of his gloved fingers with her own. “I know it’s dangerous, Hei. You already saved me from being killed or sold or whatever once. Who knows how many other things you’ve saved me from that I didn’t even know about. And knowing that you’re out there all the time, day and night, fighting for your life…you deserve better. But for now, I guess we’ll just have to make due with what we’ve got. I’m going to do my best, anyway. I’ll be your ally. You can trust me, really, and maybe someday I’ll even prove to be a little useful, a little reliable--”
“I honestly hope that day never comes,” he admitted, his expression dark with despair as he struggled to ignore the distraction of his hand tingling where they’d touched. Holding her in his lap like this, cradled against him like it was the most natural thing in the world…he couldn’t let this become a trend, even if he desperately wanted it to. Keeping their distance was going to be different now, important in new and more convoluted ways…he wasn’t looking forward to it, yet somehow, he also felt a mild pang of relief that he didn’t have to hide anymore. He didn’t have to pretend. She knew the truth, and she’d accepted it…accepted him. Going forward, what would all of it possibly end up meaning for them?