Happy to See You
May. 4th, 2019 08:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nyanderenekoWord Count: 1,766
Summary: Sometimes she finds it hard to keep her self-sabotaging thoughts at bay, but she also always has him to help her get back on track.
*Author’s Note*: Subtle summary and another fic that turned out differently than intended. It was meant to just be short and sweet, but then it got real introspective, but I didn’t want to leave things on a sour note, so…idk. I still like how it turned out and I do want to do my best to accept myself more, and Ren’s been helping me do that from the beginning…I’m still thankful for that and I think I always will be ;w; I hope you enjoy!
The day had been long and busy, but things were finally starting to wind down. Both the citizens and the city seemed subdued, preparing for the transition from natural light to neon. The sun’s rays deepened into shades of red and orange, ducking behind various buildings and casting long shadows over the maze of obscured alleyways and streets. Nova and her friends said their goodbyes, sending each other off with a series of waves and words of gratitude. She supposed her companions were probably going to go out for dinner, or indulge in some other evening activity, or perhaps even retire to their dwellings to recover from the day. She would be doing that soon enough, but she couldn’t return home just yet. She’d made plans to meet up with a certain someone; she wasn’t really interested in going back without him, anyway. He was the only thing she ever considered worth coming back for.
She caught sight of a sleek black shape lounging in the sill on the café’s second floor, basking in the lingering vestiges of sunlight that had yet to retreat completely. She found it amusing how accurately he lived up to the reputation of the form he took in this world, as much as he tried to deny such similarities time and time again. Ears perking up at the sound of her familiar voice, Morgana sat up and she gave him a tiny wave before continuing to the entrance. Either the other individual had heard her voice or Morgana had communicated his own warning, but her hand hadn’t even reached the knob before the door swung open and she was swept into the air.
“Ah! What are you doing?” she squeaked in confusion, steadying herself with his shoulders as she glanced down at her captor. Holding her up like this couldn’t be easy, but then again, it wasn’t like picking her up was an unusual occurrence for him. Lowering her a smidge, he spun around once before setting her down and gracing her hair with his lips.
“I was just so excited to see you I couldn’t contain myself,” Ren explained, and she squeezed his torso in appreciation. “I’ve been waiting to see you all day. I know it shouldn’t be that big a deal, but I’m just so used to having you with me…did you and the girls have fun?”
“They’re much more outgoing than me,” she stated the obvious, resting her chin on his chest as she looked up at him. “By that I mean yes, of course we had fun. We did some shopping, and a lot of eating. Probably too much eating. What’s done is done, though, and I’m pretty tired. I’m also really happy to see you. I mean, I can definitely handle being apart for a little bit, but…I just like being with you. I hope that doesn’t make me seem too clingy.”
“If you’re clingy then I must be obsessed,” he teased, and she nuzzled him in response.
“There’s no way you could ever beat me in that department,” she assured, stepping back and following him as he headed back inside. “Do you need any help closing things up?”
“No, I’m pretty much done. Just need to make sure everything’s in its proper place for the night.” She scooped Morgana into her arms as he came to greet her, waiting by the door while the raven-haired man finished his final sweep.
It was a little surreal to be standing here now, although she figured it was even more bizarre for her to be questioning it. This city had become her home, this person had become her shelter, and she’d adopted the jobs of helping him manage this café by day and tampering with people’s corrupted hearts by night. She reached up and touched one of the ears on her head, a manifestation of the otherworldly connection she’d chosen to exploit so childishly. Was he really happy to be with someone like her, really content to continue living his life this way?
She was frail and timid and cowardly, only really able to carry out the tasks she’d been assigned by him or one of their other close friends with his help. She preferred to interact with the abstract over reality, reveling in the fantasy and freedom the Metaverse offered despite its endless hazards. It wasn’t a game or a toy to be played with, and yet at the first opportunity she’d been presented she pushed its limits for her own selfish desires and took comfort in the fact that she was able to do so. No one else could see the silly appearance she manifested for her own self-satisfaction—outside of the rest of their group—or was forced to deal with her irrationality and desperation on a daily basis. But he’d never once made her apologize, or told her she needed to change, or lashed out at her in resentment or exasperation. He was still as loving and accepting and supportive as he’d always been…and sometimes she wondered if her taking advantage of that was doing him more harm than good.
He’d more than earned himself a break from all of this, a lifetime of peace and ease completely removed from the problems of his past. If she’d been in his shoes, she was positive she would have done everything in her power to distance herself from the unpleasantness that pestered her like a plague, threatening to drag her back into their depths at the slightest sign of weakness. He, on the other hand, had made the completely contradictory decision to return, to retrace these familiar steps with a new perspective and a clearer sense of understanding—all of them had. But she’d never been part of that equation in the first place, and served as nothing more than an uncalled for and unexpected interruption that had undeniably shaken things up from the moment she’d gotten involved.
She watched him go about his business and thought about all they’d been through together. All he’d done for her…all the things he claimed she’d done for him. Hand still absently fiddling with her phantom appendage, the look on her face made the creature in her arms begin to worry. He nudged her with his head and she glanced down, temporarily disconnected from her chaotic thoughts. Before she could return to her ruminating Ren appeared at her side, displaying the same comforting smile she’d come to admire and rely on.
“Something on your mind?” he asked, picking up on the uncharacteristic distress in her eyes.
“Are you sure you still like being with me?” She quickly continued before he could cut her off. “I know that’s something you don’t want me to worry about or even have to ask about anymore, but really…I find it so hard to believe. That you don’t find anything wrong with the way I am, the way I act. I’m so caught up in my own made-up ideas of how I want things to be, how I think things should be. I’m always hiding away in my mind, avoiding the difficult parts of reality I’ve convinced myself I can’t handle—”
“Where’s all this coming from?”
“I mean just look at me…what I’ve done to change myself because I can. It’s something a five-year-old would do, but not that someone like me should, someone who deserves to be with someone like you.”
“Are you talking about this?” he prompted, lightly pinching the tips of her ears. “Why should I care what you do with your appearance? Even if it’s something like this? I mean, I don’t want you to hurt yourself or anything, but if looking like this makes you happy, and you have the ability to do it…I’d never be upset about something like that. And it would certainly never make me think less of you.”
“Why not?”
He laughed, both concerned and amused, before appropriately regaining his composure. “Why do you think it should? I’ve never thought it was immature or unnecessary for you to do this. I hope I’ve never done anything to make you feel that way—”
“You haven’t, but—”
“And besides…” He brought his face to her level and she sucked in a silent gasp, leaning back only to find herself trapped by the unyielding door frame behind her. “You are my favorite kitten.”
She wanted to melt into the wall, but instead she melted into his kiss. He always knew just what to say and do to get her mind out of the desolate void it was often overcome by. That was part of why she adored him, part of why she needed him, but she was sure she couldn’t possibly offer him anything that could compare. He’d tell her his happiness was an extension of her own, that as long as she was open and honest with him, he could get by just having her to love, and receiving love from her in return. She always wanted to argue about that, to prove him wrong, to be put in a position where she’d be forced to improve. But in learning to accept herself more…maybe that was all the improvement he was interested in cultivating. In accepting his love, maybe that was all he’d been hoping for her to do all this time.
“Alright, I’m sorry for being a downer,” she mumbled as he straightened up, giving her head a soothing pat. “I meant to ask earlier, did you have a good day? I already told you a little about mine—”
“I’ll tell you on the way, if you want,” he suggested, opening the door for her and coaxing her through.
He waited long enough for her to situate Morgana in his bag, a method of transport the sly cat wasn’t keen on giving up any time soon. Draping his arm around her shoulders, he pulled her into his side and started strolling along the path they always took going home from the café. He filled her in on the mundane details of his day, making sure to pepper in plenty of subtle gestures of affection to help keep her drearier thoughts at bay. She appreciated all he did for her, appreciated his existence in general…and realized that as selfish as it was, she would never be able to give him up. Even if it was for his own good, she didn’t know what she’d do without him now. Fortunately, that was just the way he wanted things, and he was going to keep doing whatever it took to keep them that way, too.
Summary: Sometimes she finds it hard to keep her self-sabotaging thoughts at bay, but she also always has him to help her get back on track.
*Author’s Note*: Subtle summary and another fic that turned out differently than intended. It was meant to just be short and sweet, but then it got real introspective, but I didn’t want to leave things on a sour note, so…idk. I still like how it turned out and I do want to do my best to accept myself more, and Ren’s been helping me do that from the beginning…I’m still thankful for that and I think I always will be ;w; I hope you enjoy!
_____
The day had been long and busy, but things were finally starting to wind down. Both the citizens and the city seemed subdued, preparing for the transition from natural light to neon. The sun’s rays deepened into shades of red and orange, ducking behind various buildings and casting long shadows over the maze of obscured alleyways and streets. Nova and her friends said their goodbyes, sending each other off with a series of waves and words of gratitude. She supposed her companions were probably going to go out for dinner, or indulge in some other evening activity, or perhaps even retire to their dwellings to recover from the day. She would be doing that soon enough, but she couldn’t return home just yet. She’d made plans to meet up with a certain someone; she wasn’t really interested in going back without him, anyway. He was the only thing she ever considered worth coming back for.
She caught sight of a sleek black shape lounging in the sill on the café’s second floor, basking in the lingering vestiges of sunlight that had yet to retreat completely. She found it amusing how accurately he lived up to the reputation of the form he took in this world, as much as he tried to deny such similarities time and time again. Ears perking up at the sound of her familiar voice, Morgana sat up and she gave him a tiny wave before continuing to the entrance. Either the other individual had heard her voice or Morgana had communicated his own warning, but her hand hadn’t even reached the knob before the door swung open and she was swept into the air.
“Ah! What are you doing?” she squeaked in confusion, steadying herself with his shoulders as she glanced down at her captor. Holding her up like this couldn’t be easy, but then again, it wasn’t like picking her up was an unusual occurrence for him. Lowering her a smidge, he spun around once before setting her down and gracing her hair with his lips.
“I was just so excited to see you I couldn’t contain myself,” Ren explained, and she squeezed his torso in appreciation. “I’ve been waiting to see you all day. I know it shouldn’t be that big a deal, but I’m just so used to having you with me…did you and the girls have fun?”
“They’re much more outgoing than me,” she stated the obvious, resting her chin on his chest as she looked up at him. “By that I mean yes, of course we had fun. We did some shopping, and a lot of eating. Probably too much eating. What’s done is done, though, and I’m pretty tired. I’m also really happy to see you. I mean, I can definitely handle being apart for a little bit, but…I just like being with you. I hope that doesn’t make me seem too clingy.”
“If you’re clingy then I must be obsessed,” he teased, and she nuzzled him in response.
“There’s no way you could ever beat me in that department,” she assured, stepping back and following him as he headed back inside. “Do you need any help closing things up?”
“No, I’m pretty much done. Just need to make sure everything’s in its proper place for the night.” She scooped Morgana into her arms as he came to greet her, waiting by the door while the raven-haired man finished his final sweep.
It was a little surreal to be standing here now, although she figured it was even more bizarre for her to be questioning it. This city had become her home, this person had become her shelter, and she’d adopted the jobs of helping him manage this café by day and tampering with people’s corrupted hearts by night. She reached up and touched one of the ears on her head, a manifestation of the otherworldly connection she’d chosen to exploit so childishly. Was he really happy to be with someone like her, really content to continue living his life this way?
She was frail and timid and cowardly, only really able to carry out the tasks she’d been assigned by him or one of their other close friends with his help. She preferred to interact with the abstract over reality, reveling in the fantasy and freedom the Metaverse offered despite its endless hazards. It wasn’t a game or a toy to be played with, and yet at the first opportunity she’d been presented she pushed its limits for her own selfish desires and took comfort in the fact that she was able to do so. No one else could see the silly appearance she manifested for her own self-satisfaction—outside of the rest of their group—or was forced to deal with her irrationality and desperation on a daily basis. But he’d never once made her apologize, or told her she needed to change, or lashed out at her in resentment or exasperation. He was still as loving and accepting and supportive as he’d always been…and sometimes she wondered if her taking advantage of that was doing him more harm than good.
He’d more than earned himself a break from all of this, a lifetime of peace and ease completely removed from the problems of his past. If she’d been in his shoes, she was positive she would have done everything in her power to distance herself from the unpleasantness that pestered her like a plague, threatening to drag her back into their depths at the slightest sign of weakness. He, on the other hand, had made the completely contradictory decision to return, to retrace these familiar steps with a new perspective and a clearer sense of understanding—all of them had. But she’d never been part of that equation in the first place, and served as nothing more than an uncalled for and unexpected interruption that had undeniably shaken things up from the moment she’d gotten involved.
She watched him go about his business and thought about all they’d been through together. All he’d done for her…all the things he claimed she’d done for him. Hand still absently fiddling with her phantom appendage, the look on her face made the creature in her arms begin to worry. He nudged her with his head and she glanced down, temporarily disconnected from her chaotic thoughts. Before she could return to her ruminating Ren appeared at her side, displaying the same comforting smile she’d come to admire and rely on.
“Something on your mind?” he asked, picking up on the uncharacteristic distress in her eyes.
“Are you sure you still like being with me?” She quickly continued before he could cut her off. “I know that’s something you don’t want me to worry about or even have to ask about anymore, but really…I find it so hard to believe. That you don’t find anything wrong with the way I am, the way I act. I’m so caught up in my own made-up ideas of how I want things to be, how I think things should be. I’m always hiding away in my mind, avoiding the difficult parts of reality I’ve convinced myself I can’t handle—”
“Where’s all this coming from?”
“I mean just look at me…what I’ve done to change myself because I can. It’s something a five-year-old would do, but not that someone like me should, someone who deserves to be with someone like you.”
“Are you talking about this?” he prompted, lightly pinching the tips of her ears. “Why should I care what you do with your appearance? Even if it’s something like this? I mean, I don’t want you to hurt yourself or anything, but if looking like this makes you happy, and you have the ability to do it…I’d never be upset about something like that. And it would certainly never make me think less of you.”
“Why not?”
He laughed, both concerned and amused, before appropriately regaining his composure. “Why do you think it should? I’ve never thought it was immature or unnecessary for you to do this. I hope I’ve never done anything to make you feel that way—”
“You haven’t, but—”
“And besides…” He brought his face to her level and she sucked in a silent gasp, leaning back only to find herself trapped by the unyielding door frame behind her. “You are my favorite kitten.”
She wanted to melt into the wall, but instead she melted into his kiss. He always knew just what to say and do to get her mind out of the desolate void it was often overcome by. That was part of why she adored him, part of why she needed him, but she was sure she couldn’t possibly offer him anything that could compare. He’d tell her his happiness was an extension of her own, that as long as she was open and honest with him, he could get by just having her to love, and receiving love from her in return. She always wanted to argue about that, to prove him wrong, to be put in a position where she’d be forced to improve. But in learning to accept herself more…maybe that was all the improvement he was interested in cultivating. In accepting his love, maybe that was all he’d been hoping for her to do all this time.
“Alright, I’m sorry for being a downer,” she mumbled as he straightened up, giving her head a soothing pat. “I meant to ask earlier, did you have a good day? I already told you a little about mine—”
“I’ll tell you on the way, if you want,” he suggested, opening the door for her and coaxing her through.
He waited long enough for her to situate Morgana in his bag, a method of transport the sly cat wasn’t keen on giving up any time soon. Draping his arm around her shoulders, he pulled her into his side and started strolling along the path they always took going home from the café. He filled her in on the mundane details of his day, making sure to pepper in plenty of subtle gestures of affection to help keep her drearier thoughts at bay. She appreciated all he did for her, appreciated his existence in general…and realized that as selfish as it was, she would never be able to give him up. Even if it was for his own good, she didn’t know what she’d do without him now. Fortunately, that was just the way he wanted things, and he was going to keep doing whatever it took to keep them that way, too.