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nyanderenekoWord Count: 1,074
Summary: Sometimes the silence between them is actually the loudest thing in the room. And sometimes the words they don’t want to hear are the ones they need to hear most.
*Author’s Note*: I know this ends kind of abruptly but…maybe I’ll be inspired to do a part 2 at some point? For some reason I’m apparently incapable of branching out from similar prompts for this particular ship (this one is also quite reminiscent of another one shot I did) but I really can’t find it in myself to change this because I do quite like how it turned out…and sometimes you just have to accept the bad stuff and use it as a stepping stone to something better.
It’d been a while since she’d had a chance to sit with him like this. Huddled together in the apartment he was hesitant, arguably terrified, to ever risk opening up to anyone. That’s how he felt about everything in his life…everyone. Always keeping people at arm’s length and even further, a flame that singed anything that tried to get too close to its heat. But somehow she’d managed to convince him to let her in. She didn’t mind whatever skeletons he happened to be hiding, and would have been happy to help him bear those burdens if he could ever find the strength to share them with her.
She never pushed him to do so, however, more than cognizant of how much effort it took him to simply let her be here with him like this. It was just the two of them, quietly and cautiously sharing space, careful to avoid overstepping any boundaries. They were both fairly fragile individuals, simultaneously failing to realize just how much sharing each other’s presence helped them reinforce one another. It was an intimacy, a companionship she’d always longed for, and something he secretly yearned for as well, although it was likely he’d never find the proper method or opportunity to admit that little detail.
The sound of gentle, if not slightly shaky, breathing filled the air; the sound of thudding hearts, speeding up incrementally as the seconds ticked by a fitting accompaniment. She wanted to reach for his hand…but she couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t pull away. And she couldn’t be sure she was prepared to face that kind of aversion should he display it. Everything seemed so precarious, thoughts and feelings and even time…but at least they were teetering on the edge together, hopefully less susceptible to falling off that way. The only thing that mattered, the only thing they had the capacity to process was the here and now. They cherished the stillness of it all, while also preparing for the unfortunate possibility of it being ripped away at any moment.
They could barely see each other, and perhaps they were better off that way. The safety of the shadows could facilitate an extra boost of confidence, enable them to find the motivation they needed to bridge the gap of their anxiety induced separation. She hadn’t come here to sit in silence and offer him nothing, and he hadn’t expected her to just come and suffer under the weight of his own self pity, something he was loathe to experience, even when he was alone. He knew how weak and unnecessary it was, how immature and unhelpful, but there were plenty of things in his life he had an equally paltry measure of control over. He wished he could be better…for the first time in his life. He wished he could be better for her.
“Do you want me to make you some tea? Or maybe coffee?” It was one of the most neutral questions she could think to pose.
“No, just…just stay with me.” Her ears perked up and face flushed as if on cue. She certainly hadn’t expected to hear something like that from him, but his words were far from unwelcome. In truth, she had to expend a notable amount of effort to keep herself from tearing up, to prevent her heart from fluttering right out of her chest.
Taking the risk of putting her own ego, her own weak conviction on the line, she reached over and ran her hand through the surprisingly soft tuft of hair that usually obscured his forehead. She knew it would have been more proper, less uncomfortable to ask for his permission first, but she’d conducted the action before pausing to sensibly consider the consequences. She just wanted to comfort him, to communicate her support in as straightforward a manner as possible. She didn’t want to give him a chance to question her motives, her heart’s inspiration, or even the validity of her feelings. She just wanted him to take them in, to accept them at face value, and hopefully gain some measure of comfort and reassurance from them as she’d originally intended.
Much to her relief, he didn’t duck away from her gesture. Instead he embraced it, catching her off guard and allowing her to move even closer as he nestled his head in her palm. It was such a small, soft hand…with a touch unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. Perhaps in the depths of his subconscious there were still some distant memories of the gentle touches his mother had no doubt offered him as a child; but even those couldn’t seem to compare to this.
Maybe the effect was facilitated more by the source than whatever feelings he happened to hold towards said individual. Maybe it was because she was a separate individual in the first place, someone who had chosen to put her trust in him and offered him a rare luxury of kindness in return. Not out of obligation, but out of the compassion and concern that dwelled in her own heart. It was a novelty he’d been deprived of for as long as he could remember, that he’d quite shrewdly ensured remained out of his reach for what he presumed to be his own good.
“You didn’t have to come over. You didn’t—don’t—need to do any of this.”
“Well, it’s not like you asked me to,” Nova reminded him gently. “I’m the one who’s in trouble for showing up unannounced. But I just felt like…it seemed like maybe you could use someone, something. Some company. I know you don’t usually prefer this kind of thing…” But even someone like you could use a shoulder to lean on every now and again.
She knew it probably wasn’t wise to phrase her support in such a scathing way, but it also didn’t feel quite right to sugar coat things. Maybe it was going to take some uncomfortable, unpleasant truths to get through to him. She’d never really given that method much thought out of fear of upsetting him, or causing him to turn against her. But right now, when there was little to distract or protect them from whatever they felt compelled to say or share, she figured it couldn’t hurt to push her luck just a little. Maybe that was just the kind of push he needed. The kind of push they needed.
Summary: Sometimes the silence between them is actually the loudest thing in the room. And sometimes the words they don’t want to hear are the ones they need to hear most.
*Author’s Note*: I know this ends kind of abruptly but…maybe I’ll be inspired to do a part 2 at some point? For some reason I’m apparently incapable of branching out from similar prompts for this particular ship (this one is also quite reminiscent of another one shot I did) but I really can’t find it in myself to change this because I do quite like how it turned out…and sometimes you just have to accept the bad stuff and use it as a stepping stone to something better.
_____
It’d been a while since she’d had a chance to sit with him like this. Huddled together in the apartment he was hesitant, arguably terrified, to ever risk opening up to anyone. That’s how he felt about everything in his life…everyone. Always keeping people at arm’s length and even further, a flame that singed anything that tried to get too close to its heat. But somehow she’d managed to convince him to let her in. She didn’t mind whatever skeletons he happened to be hiding, and would have been happy to help him bear those burdens if he could ever find the strength to share them with her.
She never pushed him to do so, however, more than cognizant of how much effort it took him to simply let her be here with him like this. It was just the two of them, quietly and cautiously sharing space, careful to avoid overstepping any boundaries. They were both fairly fragile individuals, simultaneously failing to realize just how much sharing each other’s presence helped them reinforce one another. It was an intimacy, a companionship she’d always longed for, and something he secretly yearned for as well, although it was likely he’d never find the proper method or opportunity to admit that little detail.
The sound of gentle, if not slightly shaky, breathing filled the air; the sound of thudding hearts, speeding up incrementally as the seconds ticked by a fitting accompaniment. She wanted to reach for his hand…but she couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t pull away. And she couldn’t be sure she was prepared to face that kind of aversion should he display it. Everything seemed so precarious, thoughts and feelings and even time…but at least they were teetering on the edge together, hopefully less susceptible to falling off that way. The only thing that mattered, the only thing they had the capacity to process was the here and now. They cherished the stillness of it all, while also preparing for the unfortunate possibility of it being ripped away at any moment.
They could barely see each other, and perhaps they were better off that way. The safety of the shadows could facilitate an extra boost of confidence, enable them to find the motivation they needed to bridge the gap of their anxiety induced separation. She hadn’t come here to sit in silence and offer him nothing, and he hadn’t expected her to just come and suffer under the weight of his own self pity, something he was loathe to experience, even when he was alone. He knew how weak and unnecessary it was, how immature and unhelpful, but there were plenty of things in his life he had an equally paltry measure of control over. He wished he could be better…for the first time in his life. He wished he could be better for her.
“Do you want me to make you some tea? Or maybe coffee?” It was one of the most neutral questions she could think to pose.
“No, just…just stay with me.” Her ears perked up and face flushed as if on cue. She certainly hadn’t expected to hear something like that from him, but his words were far from unwelcome. In truth, she had to expend a notable amount of effort to keep herself from tearing up, to prevent her heart from fluttering right out of her chest.
Taking the risk of putting her own ego, her own weak conviction on the line, she reached over and ran her hand through the surprisingly soft tuft of hair that usually obscured his forehead. She knew it would have been more proper, less uncomfortable to ask for his permission first, but she’d conducted the action before pausing to sensibly consider the consequences. She just wanted to comfort him, to communicate her support in as straightforward a manner as possible. She didn’t want to give him a chance to question her motives, her heart’s inspiration, or even the validity of her feelings. She just wanted him to take them in, to accept them at face value, and hopefully gain some measure of comfort and reassurance from them as she’d originally intended.
Much to her relief, he didn’t duck away from her gesture. Instead he embraced it, catching her off guard and allowing her to move even closer as he nestled his head in her palm. It was such a small, soft hand…with a touch unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. Perhaps in the depths of his subconscious there were still some distant memories of the gentle touches his mother had no doubt offered him as a child; but even those couldn’t seem to compare to this.
Maybe the effect was facilitated more by the source than whatever feelings he happened to hold towards said individual. Maybe it was because she was a separate individual in the first place, someone who had chosen to put her trust in him and offered him a rare luxury of kindness in return. Not out of obligation, but out of the compassion and concern that dwelled in her own heart. It was a novelty he’d been deprived of for as long as he could remember, that he’d quite shrewdly ensured remained out of his reach for what he presumed to be his own good.
“You didn’t have to come over. You didn’t—don’t—need to do any of this.”
“Well, it’s not like you asked me to,” Nova reminded him gently. “I’m the one who’s in trouble for showing up unannounced. But I just felt like…it seemed like maybe you could use someone, something. Some company. I know you don’t usually prefer this kind of thing…” But even someone like you could use a shoulder to lean on every now and again.
She knew it probably wasn’t wise to phrase her support in such a scathing way, but it also didn’t feel quite right to sugar coat things. Maybe it was going to take some uncomfortable, unpleasant truths to get through to him. She’d never really given that method much thought out of fear of upsetting him, or causing him to turn against her. But right now, when there was little to distract or protect them from whatever they felt compelled to say or share, she figured it couldn’t hurt to push her luck just a little. Maybe that was just the kind of push he needed. The kind of push they needed.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-11-06 05:28 pm (UTC)